38 was

 Hi!

I am detouring from my usual birthday "year in review" to focus instead on one theme that has played an important though quiet role in my 38th year, and that is "mothering".

Mothering as defined by me, is all the things that encompass being a mother, yet can be used to describe a person who is not a mother but displays and lives the characteristics. Got it? It will make more sense as I write, I hope.

So when it comes to life I have a simple prayer ( I have prayed it off and on for many years now), that I would be able to be a Godly wife and mother. I have many other goals and wonderful things in my life, but the consistent one for many years now has been this. It's not fancy, and it leaves a lot of room for interpretation (aka God's will)

I both do and don't know why my biological clock was ticking hard this year. My loved ones do not pressure me about babies, and pregnancy etc. Because of my casual style many people think I am younger than I am, so it's not this verbalized pressure from anyone. And I really appreciate that.

So this past year I have been gaining a better understanding of mothering as relates to me. In this past year, I have not gotten to "mother" as in maternity photo shoots and baby naming, but something else beautiful has emerged.

First, we have our college "kids". In the Fall, 3 freshman FAMU students started attending our church, and one of them is a friend from home. Sundays and Wednesday became car rides of life talks, and Wal-Mart trips, and prayer requests and coming to care for each one of them in a special way. I skipped right over babies and into young adults lol. 

Then, at work again and again but especially lately I have had students with hard life situations and there goes the "mothering" again. In depth talks about majors, and life goals, and loss. Literally taking college tours with a student to help him achieve his dreams and aspirations. I have part-time staff who are in college, I boosted up one during an abusive relationship and was a steady presence as she returned back to school. I encouragred another to not let her "gap year" become more than 1 year, and she will happily be starting FSU this Fall:)

It's been this beautiful blend of having a loving heart, and a personality that "sees" people. Mothering landed in my lap in the year that I needed it most. 

Life and family planning continues, Stephen and I have options in this coming year and beyond, and we pray that we will be able to enjoy the next season of marriage as parents. There are still different possibilities but I will honestly say, off the bat that does not incude IVF. That is something we agreed upon even before we got married. There are MANY children here and now who need loving, stable homes. We have some ideas and look forward to seeing what is meant for our family in the future. At this moment we can honestly say we do not know.  Exciting times and times for prayer:)

38 was a good year. I am grateful for this "little life" and the love, all the love that I get to experience.

Happy 39th birthday to me!

2023 a review

 Hi journal!

 We only meet up a couple of times a year, but I still value this space to let go of some of the ponderings of a Sabrina:)

2023 What a year!! It was a lot of private and personal things but it was all an adventure and a learning process. So I think I'll just get right into it.

1. 2023 was difficult with timing. Since I met my husband, we have schedules that did not match. Night shifts, or early morning shifts, weekends etc. It was just a part of that season of his life. I'm a pretty independent person and overall I was able to adapt and adjust. But it does start to wear on you after a time, and so around March I put a nightly reminder on my phone to pray and ask God to bring the right opportunities that would align our schedules better. As we approached September, some nights I had given up hope it was going to happen, but God is always faithful in his timing. Stephen has a new job, much better hours and it made for a less hurried Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am so very grateful!

2. 2023 was my rediscovering Taylor Swift era. Yes, at 38 I am back on the Taylor Swift bandwagon. Not a super fan but as I have enjoyed the Eras tour movie, I have found she is spot on with her lyrics about the eras of being a girl/woman (at least for me). It's this puzzle of being honest about our feelings, allowing ourselves to be happy, bubbly, and giddy, and not giving up on love (family, friendships, relationships etc). So currently on my repeat list are Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince, Enchanted, Tears Ricochet, 22 and Vigilante Sh**. 

3. 2023 was recognition at work and milestones. This summer marked 5 years that I have worked at TCC. It feels fast yet full of learning. I'm still so grateful for the season and decisions that bought me to TCC. It has been a great fit for me! I have high hopes for my future there and I just cherish the people, the opportunities and what the future could bring. My hope is that I can continue to provide for students and be a knowledgeable and kind educator and leader. I am continuing to grow and stretch but that is a good thing, on most days lol.

4. 2023 was finding balance in all things. So in general, I am the one who does the most. I call my friends first. I plan the things, I organize the events etc. But this year I tried to find balance before I burned myself out. I learned that quiet moments of reflection are perfection. I was reminded that as adults the minute you take a financial win, a financial loss is coming around the bend. Everytime! Looking at you pay increase, followed by burst pipe, owning taxes and husband's car troubles. I was reminded constantly that friends and family all go through stuff and you just have to "let them alone" (as they say in the country). The constant people have stayed and the inconsistent have floated on and the best part is I didn't take it personally this year. People are just doing the best that they can.

So yeah, as you can see, 2023 was a year! I don't have a 2024 preview this year. 2024 is going to do whatever it wants to do lol:) 

For 13 years  I have closed the same way, so here we go! May 2024 be a year of blossoming and blessings! 

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2024 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Stewart Melvin that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!

2023 a Preview

Welcome to 2023!!

I am really liking New Years Day being on Sunday. Fresh day, fresh week, fresh year, just newness of 2023. I am in a bookclub that is reading Little Women and its just been such a simple, refreshing way to end '22 and start '23! I hope I can find more simple, small treasures scattered throughout this new year.

Each year, I like to preview the year ahead (a tradition I started years ago), and here is what I am thinking...

2023:

* Starting with finances. Well, life happens you know lol. That just means that AC problems, and car troubles, and just the cost of living life can really make budgeting hard. However, we are ready for a new year. I am refocused on spending wisley and saving for our family and our future. I am super excited beause I got a new car in 2022, and that was something we had budgeted for and accomplished! I am also mega thankful that my remaining student loan balance was forgiven through Public Service Loan Forgiveness this year! There are no words, just a humble and grateful heart:) 

* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness. And it will also be my part to love and support friends and family who will experience loss this year. A kind word or deed, goes a long way in the dark days of grief.

* In my work life, I hope to continue to bring creativity, decicaiton and passion to my job. I really do find it so interesting to help along the college access pipeline. Different opportunities had come my way in 2022, but I am grateful for exactly what I am doing right now. 

* In my Christian life, the theme is serving others. I don't know what it will look like exactly this year, but I do feel like the Lord continues to provide an abundance of opportunities. To have a spirit like Barnabas from the book of Acts is something I hope to grow into.

* In married life, I want to continue to strive for growth in prayer and communication. We have a wonderful marraige and I do not take it for granted:) However, I was single for way longer than I have been married, so that means I have room to grow. I am so thankful for my Stephen who balances me and most importantly always is showing me and teaching me things in Christ. Our scripture talks and questions are good for my spirit.

* I will be 38 this year, and I don't know why but that feels important. So I guess I better make it that way then?

* Travel plans for this year are unsure. I will wait and see as the year goes on, but I love a good trip so just give me some warning and I will be happy to go along lol. I still yearn to see the cherry blossoms in full bloom in D.C.

For 12 years  I have closed the same way, so here we go:) Take care, lead with love and Happy 2023!

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2023 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Stewart Melvin that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!

36 was

I look back and see that I have not done a birthday reflection post since I was 33! Can I blame it on the general COVID upheaval of life? Possibly. Anyway, here we are, so let's look back, shall we?

36 was marriage...
The best, sweetest, and most educational part of being 36 was getting married in October. It has been the best because I love my husband and he loves me and we both love God and really try to serve others and grow. It's comforting and challenging, and I'm so thankful. It has been sweet because there are just moments in marriage that bring a smile, or laugh and those times of silliness are very, very sweet. And it has been educational because marriage is learning. You learn your spouse AND you learn yourself. I think the longer you were single the more you have to learn, and so it goes. It's all good, but there is a learning curve to creating a solid marriage. 

36 was project based...
As a busy, go, go, go kind of girl, I am well acquainted with projects. But 36 definitely took me to a brand new level. The Stewart/Melvin wedding had it's own email address and Google drive lol. But I loved it and thrived and sometimes think I could branch into wedding planning. There were also projects around the home, and a very fun outdoor project on the horizon. 

36 was grant life....

The grant was renewed for 5 more years and we hit the ground running. I love my job and students. I love the creativity I get to use and the impact we have on our community. I was not trained in grants but it has turned out to be one of the best calculated risks I took during this season of life.

37, I can't wait to meet you! 36, thank you for being the answer to prayer. 

And speaking of prayers, as I blow out the candles, I have a special, special birthday prayer as I enter 37. I can't share it, but my heart is hopeful and we will just take it one day at a time.

2021 a review and 2022 a preview

 Happy 2022!!

We are here in a fresh new year, and I am grateful and thankful. I am also very aware that to have a good life during these times (faith, family, housing, job, joy, etc) is a gift. 2021 was a banner year for me. A special year that will always hold some of my MOST precious memories! Stephen proposed to me and we got married in 2021! No one will ever totally know the prayer and time that worked together to form our relationship. 2021 will always be beautiful to me:)  

2021 also held more COVID news worldwide. Amazing news that my grant program was renewed for 5 more years. Lots of sweet time with family and friends during the season leading up to the wedding and then the holiday season. 2021 was quite a year especially because it also held a lot of loss and grief for many that I love. 

Each year, I like to preview the year ahead (a tradition I started years ago), and here is what I am thinking...

2022:

* Finances: Well, planning a wedding can really mess with a budget. So this is my year to rebalance. Stephen and I have a family budget that we will readjust as we enter 2022. I am thankful that he trusts me to have the detailed view of the budget while he has a big picture view. May our combined budgets flow together and may we be responsible and also giving. I like to think of it as paddling in the same boat, in sync. 

* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness. And it will also be my part to love and support friends and family who will experience loss this year. A kind word or deed, goes a long way in the dark days of grief.  COVID variants are still here, so I am not even going to try and predict what the year will hold on that front. 

* In my professional life, I am thankful for my work and profession. We have 5 more years under the current grant and I want to pilot our program and grow it along the way. Work relationships with my colleagues and employees continue to be very important. I am not the best boss. I make mistakes for sure, but man I am really trying and open to growth.  I am not sure how much cookie baking I will do, but you know me, I am always dabbling in something lol. 

* As I walk in Christ, 2022 will hold Stephen and I working and serving together. Such an important part of our relationship!  I am beyond grateful for our church family here in town. It's also my prayer that our church be able to fill the vacant full-time minister position. 

* In married life, I want to enjoy my marriage and also strive to grow. Marriage holds a mirror up to yourself and shows you a reflection of many things. I want to strive to be the wife God has called me to be and truly enjoy the moments with Stephen. He helps me relax and I need that.  

* I will be 37 this year, and I can't really believe that, so I want to be the healthiest me I can be, especially as I age. 

* Travel plans for this year. I look forward to a work conference or two in different locations. I am sure Stephen and I will visit family. A girl's trip in the summer sounds fun! And then Stephen and I will plan a vacation or maybe anniversary trip who knows, later in the year.

For 11 years (11 YEARS!!)  I have closed the same way, so here we go:) I did tweak one thing lol.  I have real love for you all and hope you always know how much you mean to me. Happy 2022!

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2022 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Stewart Melvin that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!

A letter to Myself

 8-26-21

With 6 weeks until I get married, I wanted to write a letter to myself, before this amazing life change happens. This is just my chance to reflect, process, and save these thoughts for future times.

Dear Me,

 Eeeeeeek! How can it be that you and Stephen are getting married, so soon? The time both flies, and also has been very full of "life". I wanted to stop this evening and write to you, a girl who has definitely enjoyed life and taken time to smell the roses. 

I guess, I will start by saying, Thank You. I thank you for every experience, every trip, every story, and every fun adventure. I am so grateful for the variety of loving memories that you created. You loved life, and you embraced people, and you tried to serve others. It has been a wonderful combination, and I will always look back and appreciate that you did not sit by waiting for dreams to happen, you went out and lassoed those bad boys by the horns lol! You learned to treat yourself well, and the rest would fall into place. 

I also want to say that each moment of your life that is leading up to the new season of marriage, that each moment, blends together beautifully. The gorgeous smiles, and the sorrowful tears. There have been some bitter moments, but the sweet is overpowering, and together both are needed for a real life. I look back over this season and sum it up with, "God is good!"

You are many things Sabrina. Determined, a girl boss, fun, a traveler, ridiculous, a baker, a reader, a napper, a true friend, a growing Christian, and a lover of family. You will continue to grow in this next season, and discover even more about yourself. It is so great to have Stephen with me, to show me great love and also encourage me on towards growth.

It was sometimes difficult, when you felt like you were ready for love and a relationship but that you were also shy with guys. Hard combination! It will always be the surprise of your life, that the first man you ever approached, would end up being your future husband:) But I do not think it surprised God, because my prayers over the years had simplified, to a Godly man who was ready for commitment. All the rest did not compare to these two things. And that is what Stephen is, I mean who else watches "American Bible Challenge" with you on Netflix. lol. And who else spoke to you early on about how he was going to change your life, and be with you forever. I am so grateful. So very grateful.

I think to end it up, I will just say it has been wonderful! Jax, to Tally, to Athens, and back to Tally. Morning stocker at Old Navy to running a pre-college access grant. Beginners flights from Jax to ATL, then flights from NYC to Germany. A life full of amazing family, and then losing amazing family. ALL of the growth and ALL of the growing pains. I am so glad that you believed in yourself. I am so thankful that you marched to your own drum with boldness and also caring. I remember in our early 20's one day, driving around and during sunrise thinking, God that is what I want. I want to be as naturally beautiful as a sunrise. I want to shine. And I also realize that not everyone gets to witness sunrises, so that means my path is not going to match with everyone, but it will be perfect for me. And look where we are now. Many thanks girl!

Love ya a whole lot!

Sabrina M. Stewart

2020 a review and 2021 a preview

Written 1-2-21

Hello 2021:) 

The setting is a rainy, Saturday, the first Saturday of January. I love that I can be cozy in my home, reflecting on a New Year. A dream come true, home ownership:) You know there is so much to say about the year that was, 2020. I am not going to get into all of it. Here is the summary. March 2020 changed our lives forever. The COVID-19 pandemic swept though the world and our country. Changes, EVERYWHERE. Working from home, masks, social distancing, and all the far reaching impacts. The main word is loss, loss of life, loss of jobs, loss of stability, loss of hope. It was a whammy of a year.

Thankfully there is always a silver lining. The creativity, the community, the love, the faith, the babies, the marriages, and the slower pace. I got COVID and recovered and that by far is the biggest blessing of the year. Though I will say my smell and taste are still not what they used to be, odd stuff. Now, as always, I will preview some parts of a fresh new year. 2021 here we come, be kind and healing please!

2021:

* Finances: I have very recently gotten myself back on track with spending and saving. Last year was home expenses, and I was not nearly as careful of budgeting. I went over budget the last few months of 2020. But, a new year and in this case back to good habits. I have some important savings goals, so that will be my aim in 2021.

* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness. In my opinion COVID is here through 2021. The vaccine is here, but I think we have 1 more year of pandemic precautions. I would cautiously think by Fall 2021, things would be more "normal" but we shall see.  The year has been summarized by so much loss, so being thoughtful about health is critical this year. 

* Side hustles will be minimum this year. My new job (started March 2020) is more than enough work for me during this season. 2021 will hold the question, will my grant program get refunded for the next 5 year cycle? A huge question that will have many consequences, but the answers will come by September 2021. It is stressful to work and wait, so this is an area where I need faith.

* In areas of faith, it has been an "interesting" year. Just a lot of adjustments at church etc. The year was full of trials, but God has promised when we are weak he is strong. I have been able to lead Wednesday night Ladies Bible class, through Zoom. A blessing that was unexpected but wonderful. The words of Mark 9:24 resonate so clearly with me in this season. “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” NLT

* Dating relationship:) Stephen and I will celebrate 2 years of dating in May. I have seen us both grow as we continue to build towards our future. I am very proud of him and thankful for his love and support. I am a stubborn thing sometimes, and he gives me balance and perspective. We enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas with family, and got a peek into what a future together would look like....a very good thing:) 

* I'll turn 36 in 2021. Yeah, and that's about it lol. 

* Travel plans for this year...I know laughable right? I don't have any big travel plans for 2021. I don't feel comfortable flying anywhere due to COVID, so if I do go somewhere, then it'll be in driving distance. This should also help with my savings and financial life, so in the end all is well. If I could go to a dream location though, I'd say take me to Hawaii! 

For 10 years I have closed the same way, so here we go:) Love you all from the bottom of my heart! Sending big hugs and sunshine smiles into your New Year.

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2021 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Maude Stewart that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!