39 was

 39 was starting fostering...

I knew a decent amount about foster care. I am a counselor at heart, and Tallahassee has a strong and supportive foster community.  Yet, Stephen and I definitely learned SO much in the foster process. There are classes. Homework. Discussions. Paperwork. Fingerprints. Support Groups. Readings. And the list goes on. I could not have done it without Stephen and his loving heart for others. Together we started the training part of fostering. We got our first placement. We were "schooled" on being parents. I am grateful for the journey and what 40 will bring as we continue to foster in love and hope.

39 was work woes...
As we entered January 2025, it became abundantly clear that the new leadership in this country, was and is not on board with supporting students from low-income backgrounds. As government spending cuts loomed, it was the most frustrating thing to see the wealthy be on the attack against the poor. As a grant worker, my job and the work that we do has been belittled and ignored all for the sake of those who already have a leg up, and have the privilege to not even see it. We press on doing the work in the pre-college access space, but even as I type this, I am fully aware that the future of my job rests partly on a man who is proud of his vindictive streak and thinks equity is a cuss word. It will be left to see how it all will shake out. I am preparing for all possibilities.

39 was understanding myself more...

I will truly say that during the 39th year, there were many times that I was able to really reflect on myself. Job opportunities that were not the best fit. Social situations that actually bring joy and not just another thing to add to the list. Even in fostering, learning and making adjustments, for the reality, not just the dream, if that makes sense. I can say, I know myself a lot better. My gifts and my struggles. It feels good.

39, you were a teacher in many ways. Reminding me to step back and check my lack of faith and worries. You also made me smile, increased my friendships, and added to my determination. Not bad. 40, you can be a banner year. A milestone year. I'm ready!

Fostering Chapter 1 Updates

 *I started out thinking this could be a FB post, but writing is my therapy so it got longer than first expected.

Long Post Alert, Vulnerable Post Alert

We have had some changes in our foster journey. Chapter 1 has come to a close. I can’t go into most of it, but we are at peace as changes have been made and the family is reunified in love, safety, stability and real change.

I love that our network of friends and family ask us questions about the process. I hope that our answers are helpful, true and might make you consider supporting foster care in your local area. So, in that light here are the most common questions we get, and my answers.

1.      How can you give them back? I would fall in love right away and not be able to do that.

It’s a complex answer but part of it is, I am trained in Elementary Education, with a Masters in School Counseling and a certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy. I spent 6 years in school learning kids and adolescents. I know in my brain that the best place for children is with their birth family, when the family is loving, safe, stable and healthy. I ALSO know that is not the case in many homes. The next best place for children is a loving home with trained adults (in trauma care), who have open hearts, faith ( for us this is key but might not be for all), and actually “see” children and want to help provide the best family they can.

So, we can love our foster kids and also understand on a fundamental level, that the placement might not last but the love will. To me, it’s just something you either can do, or you can’t do. I don’t EVER suggest going against your instinct, if you can’t see it, then please support in another way.

2.      Doesn’t it break your heart? The family lost them, how can you not be mad or angry with the parents?

Before we went to our first training, during one of many conversations and prayers, Stephen looked me in the eye and said, “Babe, are you sure? You are going to get soo attached to the kids and be upset when they leave. Are you sure?” And I remember what I said then and I would say it now. It’s ok. It’s ok to have your heart break or be sad. I am a grown woman with many blessings, and I have the life skills to have heart break and be ok in time. But many kids don’t and I would rather be sad and know that we did our best for a child. I would rather shed tears and be confused sometimes, if that helps a child to be able to have a fair shot at this thing called life.

From that point on, we started training etc and the rest is history.

*There is SO much to do in foster life, for us at least, there is not a ton of time to be mad and resentful with the parents. So many of us would have a different life if born to different people. So that perspective helps.

3.      What next? Is Foster child #2 on the way? Do you and Stephen want to have a baby? Adopt?

So, because life does whatever it wants, let me share this. At the start of the year just as we got licensed, my job, with a federal Dept of Education grant program supporting first-generation college students with income restrictions, was threatened (is still unsure in all honesty). It was a mess, I was stressed, and yet we were so close to starting fostering! Life is both sour and sweet… ya know. Anyway, I won’t even waste my time explaining how grants like mine change cycles of generational poverty and provide access to needed post-secondary outcomes. I will say that I need a bit of time to be laser focused on my professional future. I have some conferences to attend, and professional mapping to consider. So, we will take about 2 months of a “pause” so I can get some things settled.

In June, we will be open to our next placement😊 Along that line, family planning will take its own course. If baby Melvin ever comes to be…ya’ll know me, you would know😊 The only thing for certain is if our path were to have to include IVF etc. that is not the path for our family. So that’s really all I can say about that. Oh, but if a foster to adopt chapter of our life comes to be one day, we are open to that.

4.      This last thing is just a message from us to you. You all who love us, and lift us in prayer, and care for us, and have given us the tools to be able to become first time  parents through fostering. Little lady enjoyed everything, and we sent her with some items like clothes, books, toys, toiletries, diapers etc, as she resettles back home. We have the other donations and gifts that you all have given and will be so happy and way more ready for Chapter 2 this summer and beyond. Thank you for all that you mean to us. In this book called life, I would not change a thing😊

2025 a Preview

 Welcome to 2025!! After 12 consecutive years, somehow I did not post a 2024 Preview last year...oooops.

Each year, I like to preview the year ahead (a tradition I started years ago), and here is what I am thinking...

2025:

* Finances: Just going back to the simple things, cash vs credit. Saving vs spending. 2024 seemed to be so expensive, 2025 take it easy please lol

* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness. And it will also be my part to love and support friends and family who will experience loss and sickness this year. A prayer and kind word or deed, goes a long way in the dark days of grief. This one, every year this one both breaks me and builds me up.

* At work: Sigh. Let me translate that. I love what I get to do with first gen students. I know I am making a difference. With the shifting political landscape, hard sigh, it is my prayer that programs like mine don't get cut or destroyed. I do not know. I will work each day and commit to reminding others of the importance of students on the margins. We should hear back about the 2nd grant I wrote to expand our program, in June or July. However, again it all depends on what pressures mount in DC. 

* At church: In simple words, may God continue to allow me to use the gifts he has given me. Knowledge, compassion, a willing spirit, and being able to "see" the need. I am able to help be the voice of our Women's Ministry and that blesses my life, as we bless others.

* At home: In my marriage allow grace and time to do its work. There are many things that could shift for us in 2025. All of them require waiting and that is difficult.

* I will be 40 this year! WOW! 4 fun trips during the 40th year? I don't know but I do spy a girl's trip to NYC in December 2025. And my brain is thinking of an Orlando birthday dinner with many family and friends in April. When I think 40, I would just like to have my people with me and break bread, I've simplified lately. 

For 13 out of 14 years  I have closed the same way, so here we go:) Take care, love others well and Happy 2025!

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2025 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Stewart Melvin that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!

38 was

 Hi!

I am detouring from my usual birthday "year in review" to focus instead on one theme that has played an important though quiet role in my 38th year, and that is "mothering".

Mothering as defined by me, is all the things that encompass being a mother, yet can be used to describe a person who is not a mother but displays and lives the characteristics. Got it? It will make more sense as I write, I hope.

So when it comes to life I have a simple prayer ( I have prayed it off and on for many years now), that I would be able to be a Godly wife and mother. I have many other goals and wonderful things in my life, but the consistent one for many years now has been this. It's not fancy, and it leaves a lot of room for interpretation (aka God's will)

I both do and don't know why my biological clock was ticking hard this year. My loved ones do not pressure me about babies, and pregnancy etc. Because of my casual style many people think I am younger than I am, so it's not this verbalized pressure from anyone. And I really appreciate that.

So this past year I have been gaining a better understanding of mothering as relates to me. In this past year, I have not gotten to "mother" as in maternity photo shoots and baby naming, but something else beautiful has emerged.

First, we have our college "kids". In the Fall, 3 freshman FAMU students started attending our church, and one of them is a friend from home. Sundays and Wednesday became car rides of life talks, and Wal-Mart trips, and prayer requests and coming to care for each one of them in a special way. I skipped right over babies and into young adults lol. 

Then, at work again and again but especially lately I have had students with hard life situations and there goes the "mothering" again. In depth talks about majors, and life goals, and loss. Literally taking college tours with a student to help him achieve his dreams and aspirations. I have part-time staff who are in college, I boosted up one during an abusive relationship and was a steady presence as she returned back to school. I encouragred another to not let her "gap year" become more than 1 year, and she will happily be starting FSU this Fall:)

It's been this beautiful blend of having a loving heart, and a personality that "sees" people. Mothering landed in my lap in the year that I needed it most. 

Life and family planning continues, Stephen and I have options in this coming year and beyond, and we pray that we will be able to enjoy the next season of marriage as parents. There are still different possibilities but I will honestly say, off the bat that does not incude IVF. That is something we agreed upon even before we got married. There are MANY children here and now who need loving, stable homes. We have some ideas and look forward to seeing what is meant for our family in the future. At this moment we can honestly say we do not know.  Exciting times and times for prayer:)

38 was a good year. I am grateful for this "little life" and the love, all the love that I get to experience.

Happy 39th birthday to me!

2023 a review

 Hi journal!

 We only meet up a couple of times a year, but I still value this space to let go of some of the ponderings of a Sabrina:)

2023 What a year!! It was a lot of private and personal things but it was all an adventure and a learning process. So I think I'll just get right into it.

1. 2023 was difficult with timing. Since I met my husband, we have schedules that did not match. Night shifts, or early morning shifts, weekends etc. It was just a part of that season of his life. I'm a pretty independent person and overall I was able to adapt and adjust. But it does start to wear on you after a time, and so around March I put a nightly reminder on my phone to pray and ask God to bring the right opportunities that would align our schedules better. As we approached September, some nights I had given up hope it was going to happen, but God is always faithful in his timing. Stephen has a new job, much better hours and it made for a less hurried Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am so very grateful!

2. 2023 was my rediscovering Taylor Swift era. Yes, at 38 I am back on the Taylor Swift bandwagon. Not a super fan but as I have enjoyed the Eras tour movie, I have found she is spot on with her lyrics about the eras of being a girl/woman (at least for me). It's this puzzle of being honest about our feelings, allowing ourselves to be happy, bubbly, and giddy, and not giving up on love (family, friendships, relationships etc). So currently on my repeat list are Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince, Enchanted, Tears Ricochet, 22 and Vigilante Sh**. 

3. 2023 was recognition at work and milestones. This summer marked 5 years that I have worked at TCC. It feels fast yet full of learning. I'm still so grateful for the season and decisions that bought me to TCC. It has been a great fit for me! I have high hopes for my future there and I just cherish the people, the opportunities and what the future could bring. My hope is that I can continue to provide for students and be a knowledgeable and kind educator and leader. I am continuing to grow and stretch but that is a good thing, on most days lol.

4. 2023 was finding balance in all things. So in general, I am the one who does the most. I call my friends first. I plan the things, I organize the events etc. But this year I tried to find balance before I burned myself out. I learned that quiet moments of reflection are perfection. I was reminded that as adults the minute you take a financial win, a financial loss is coming around the bend. Everytime! Looking at you pay increase, followed by burst pipe, owning taxes and husband's car troubles. I was reminded constantly that friends and family all go through stuff and you just have to "let them alone" (as they say in the country). The constant people have stayed and the inconsistent have floated on and the best part is I didn't take it personally this year. People are just doing the best that they can.

So yeah, as you can see, 2023 was a year! I don't have a 2024 preview this year. 2024 is going to do whatever it wants to do lol:) 

For 13 years  I have closed the same way, so here we go! May 2024 be a year of blossoming and blessings! 

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2024 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Stewart Melvin that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!

2023 a Preview

Welcome to 2023!!

I am really liking New Years Day being on Sunday. Fresh day, fresh week, fresh year, just newness of 2023. I am in a bookclub that is reading Little Women and its just been such a simple, refreshing way to end '22 and start '23! I hope I can find more simple, small treasures scattered throughout this new year.

Each year, I like to preview the year ahead (a tradition I started years ago), and here is what I am thinking...

2023:

* Starting with finances. Well, life happens you know lol. That just means that AC problems, and car troubles, and just the cost of living life can really make budgeting hard. However, we are ready for a new year. I am refocused on spending wisley and saving for our family and our future. I am super excited beause I got a new car in 2022, and that was something we had budgeted for and accomplished! I am also mega thankful that my remaining student loan balance was forgiven through Public Service Loan Forgiveness this year! There are no words, just a humble and grateful heart:) 

* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness. And it will also be my part to love and support friends and family who will experience loss this year. A kind word or deed, goes a long way in the dark days of grief.

* In my work life, I hope to continue to bring creativity, decicaiton and passion to my job. I really do find it so interesting to help along the college access pipeline. Different opportunities had come my way in 2022, but I am grateful for exactly what I am doing right now. 

* In my Christian life, the theme is serving others. I don't know what it will look like exactly this year, but I do feel like the Lord continues to provide an abundance of opportunities. To have a spirit like Barnabas from the book of Acts is something I hope to grow into.

* In married life, I want to continue to strive for growth in prayer and communication. We have a wonderful marraige and I do not take it for granted:) However, I was single for way longer than I have been married, so that means I have room to grow. I am so thankful for my Stephen who balances me and most importantly always is showing me and teaching me things in Christ. Our scripture talks and questions are good for my spirit.

* I will be 38 this year, and I don't know why but that feels important. So I guess I better make it that way then?

* Travel plans for this year are unsure. I will wait and see as the year goes on, but I love a good trip so just give me some warning and I will be happy to go along lol. I still yearn to see the cherry blossoms in full bloom in D.C.

For 12 years  I have closed the same way, so here we go:) Take care, lead with love and Happy 2023!

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2023 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Stewart Melvin that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!

36 was

I look back and see that I have not done a birthday reflection post since I was 33! Can I blame it on the general COVID upheaval of life? Possibly. Anyway, here we are, so let's look back, shall we?

36 was marriage...
The best, sweetest, and most educational part of being 36 was getting married in October. It has been the best because I love my husband and he loves me and we both love God and really try to serve others and grow. It's comforting and challenging, and I'm so thankful. It has been sweet because there are just moments in marriage that bring a smile, or laugh and those times of silliness are very, very sweet. And it has been educational because marriage is learning. You learn your spouse AND you learn yourself. I think the longer you were single the more you have to learn, and so it goes. It's all good, but there is a learning curve to creating a solid marriage. 

36 was project based...
As a busy, go, go, go kind of girl, I am well acquainted with projects. But 36 definitely took me to a brand new level. The Stewart/Melvin wedding had it's own email address and Google drive lol. But I loved it and thrived and sometimes think I could branch into wedding planning. There were also projects around the home, and a very fun outdoor project on the horizon. 

36 was grant life....

The grant was renewed for 5 more years and we hit the ground running. I love my job and students. I love the creativity I get to use and the impact we have on our community. I was not trained in grants but it has turned out to be one of the best calculated risks I took during this season of life.

37, I can't wait to meet you! 36, thank you for being the answer to prayer. 

And speaking of prayers, as I blow out the candles, I have a special, special birthday prayer as I enter 37. I can't share it, but my heart is hopeful and we will just take it one day at a time.