36 was

I look back and see that I have not done a birthday reflection post since I was 33! Can I blame it on the general COVID upheaval of life? Possibly. Anyway, here we are, so let's look back, shall we?

36 was marriage...
The best, sweetest, and most educational part of being 36 was getting married in October. It has been the best because I love my husband and he loves me and we both love God and really try to serve others and grow. It's comforting and challenging, and I'm so thankful. It has been sweet because there are just moments in marriage that bring a smile, or laugh and those times of silliness are very, very sweet. And it has been educational because marriage is learning. You learn your spouse AND you learn yourself. I think the longer you were single the more you have to learn, and so it goes. It's all good, but there is a learning curve to creating a solid marriage. 

36 was project based...
As a busy, go, go, go kind of girl, I am well acquainted with projects. But 36 definitely took me to a brand new level. The Stewart/Melvin wedding had it's own email address and Google drive lol. But I loved it and thrived and sometimes think I could branch into wedding planning. There were also projects around the home, and a very fun outdoor project on the horizon. 

36 was grant life....

The grant was renewed for 5 more years and we hit the ground running. I love my job and students. I love the creativity I get to use and the impact we have on our community. I was not trained in grants but it has turned out to be one of the best calculated risks I took during this season of life.

37, I can't wait to meet you! 36, thank you for being the answer to prayer. 

And speaking of prayers, as I blow out the candles, I have a special, special birthday prayer as I enter 37. I can't share it, but my heart is hopeful and we will just take it one day at a time.

2021 a review and 2022 a preview

 Happy 2022!!

We are here in a fresh new year, and I am grateful and thankful. I am also very aware that to have a good life during these times (faith, family, housing, job, joy, etc) is a gift. 2021 was a banner year for me. A special year that will always hold some of my MOST precious memories! Stephen proposed to me and we got married in 2021! No one will ever totally know the prayer and time that worked together to form our relationship. 2021 will always be beautiful to me:)  

2021 also held more COVID news worldwide. Amazing news that my grant program was renewed for 5 more years. Lots of sweet time with family and friends during the season leading up to the wedding and then the holiday season. 2021 was quite a year especially because it also held a lot of loss and grief for many that I love. 

Each year, I like to preview the year ahead (a tradition I started years ago), and here is what I am thinking...

2022:

* Finances: Well, planning a wedding can really mess with a budget. So this is my year to rebalance. Stephen and I have a family budget that we will readjust as we enter 2022. I am thankful that he trusts me to have the detailed view of the budget while he has a big picture view. May our combined budgets flow together and may we be responsible and also giving. I like to think of it as paddling in the same boat, in sync. 

* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness. And it will also be my part to love and support friends and family who will experience loss this year. A kind word or deed, goes a long way in the dark days of grief.  COVID variants are still here, so I am not even going to try and predict what the year will hold on that front. 

* In my professional life, I am thankful for my work and profession. We have 5 more years under the current grant and I want to pilot our program and grow it along the way. Work relationships with my colleagues and employees continue to be very important. I am not the best boss. I make mistakes for sure, but man I am really trying and open to growth.  I am not sure how much cookie baking I will do, but you know me, I am always dabbling in something lol. 

* As I walk in Christ, 2022 will hold Stephen and I working and serving together. Such an important part of our relationship!  I am beyond grateful for our church family here in town. It's also my prayer that our church be able to fill the vacant full-time minister position. 

* In married life, I want to enjoy my marriage and also strive to grow. Marriage holds a mirror up to yourself and shows you a reflection of many things. I want to strive to be the wife God has called me to be and truly enjoy the moments with Stephen. He helps me relax and I need that.  

* I will be 37 this year, and I can't really believe that, so I want to be the healthiest me I can be, especially as I age. 

* Travel plans for this year. I look forward to a work conference or two in different locations. I am sure Stephen and I will visit family. A girl's trip in the summer sounds fun! And then Stephen and I will plan a vacation or maybe anniversary trip who knows, later in the year.

For 11 years (11 YEARS!!)  I have closed the same way, so here we go:) I did tweak one thing lol.  I have real love for you all and hope you always know how much you mean to me. Happy 2022!

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2022 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Stewart Melvin that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!

A letter to Myself

 8-26-21

With 6 weeks until I get married, I wanted to write a letter to myself, before this amazing life change happens. This is just my chance to reflect, process, and save these thoughts for future times.

Dear Me,

 Eeeeeeek! How can it be that you and Stephen are getting married, so soon? The time both flies, and also has been very full of "life". I wanted to stop this evening and write to you, a girl who has definitely enjoyed life and taken time to smell the roses. 

I guess, I will start by saying, Thank You. I thank you for every experience, every trip, every story, and every fun adventure. I am so grateful for the variety of loving memories that you created. You loved life, and you embraced people, and you tried to serve others. It has been a wonderful combination, and I will always look back and appreciate that you did not sit by waiting for dreams to happen, you went out and lassoed those bad boys by the horns lol! You learned to treat yourself well, and the rest would fall into place. 

I also want to say that each moment of your life that is leading up to the new season of marriage, that each moment, blends together beautifully. The gorgeous smiles, and the sorrowful tears. There have been some bitter moments, but the sweet is overpowering, and together both are needed for a real life. I look back over this season and sum it up with, "God is good!"

You are many things Sabrina. Determined, a girl boss, fun, a traveler, ridiculous, a baker, a reader, a napper, a true friend, a growing Christian, and a lover of family. You will continue to grow in this next season, and discover even more about yourself. It is so great to have Stephen with me, to show me great love and also encourage me on towards growth.

It was sometimes difficult, when you felt like you were ready for love and a relationship but that you were also shy with guys. Hard combination! It will always be the surprise of your life, that the first man you ever approached, would end up being your future husband:) But I do not think it surprised God, because my prayers over the years had simplified, to a Godly man who was ready for commitment. All the rest did not compare to these two things. And that is what Stephen is, I mean who else watches "American Bible Challenge" with you on Netflix. lol. And who else spoke to you early on about how he was going to change your life, and be with you forever. I am so grateful. So very grateful.

I think to end it up, I will just say it has been wonderful! Jax, to Tally, to Athens, and back to Tally. Morning stocker at Old Navy to running a pre-college access grant. Beginners flights from Jax to ATL, then flights from NYC to Germany. A life full of amazing family, and then losing amazing family. ALL of the growth and ALL of the growing pains. I am so glad that you believed in yourself. I am so thankful that you marched to your own drum with boldness and also caring. I remember in our early 20's one day, driving around and during sunrise thinking, God that is what I want. I want to be as naturally beautiful as a sunrise. I want to shine. And I also realize that not everyone gets to witness sunrises, so that means my path is not going to match with everyone, but it will be perfect for me. And look where we are now. Many thanks girl!

Love ya a whole lot!

Sabrina M. Stewart

2020 a review and 2021 a preview

Written 1-2-21

Hello 2021:) 

The setting is a rainy, Saturday, the first Saturday of January. I love that I can be cozy in my home, reflecting on a New Year. A dream come true, home ownership:) You know there is so much to say about the year that was, 2020. I am not going to get into all of it. Here is the summary. March 2020 changed our lives forever. The COVID-19 pandemic swept though the world and our country. Changes, EVERYWHERE. Working from home, masks, social distancing, and all the far reaching impacts. The main word is loss, loss of life, loss of jobs, loss of stability, loss of hope. It was a whammy of a year.

Thankfully there is always a silver lining. The creativity, the community, the love, the faith, the babies, the marriages, and the slower pace. I got COVID and recovered and that by far is the biggest blessing of the year. Though I will say my smell and taste are still not what they used to be, odd stuff. Now, as always, I will preview some parts of a fresh new year. 2021 here we come, be kind and healing please!

2021:

* Finances: I have very recently gotten myself back on track with spending and saving. Last year was home expenses, and I was not nearly as careful of budgeting. I went over budget the last few months of 2020. But, a new year and in this case back to good habits. I have some important savings goals, so that will be my aim in 2021.

* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness. In my opinion COVID is here through 2021. The vaccine is here, but I think we have 1 more year of pandemic precautions. I would cautiously think by Fall 2021, things would be more "normal" but we shall see.  The year has been summarized by so much loss, so being thoughtful about health is critical this year. 

* Side hustles will be minimum this year. My new job (started March 2020) is more than enough work for me during this season. 2021 will hold the question, will my grant program get refunded for the next 5 year cycle? A huge question that will have many consequences, but the answers will come by September 2021. It is stressful to work and wait, so this is an area where I need faith.

* In areas of faith, it has been an "interesting" year. Just a lot of adjustments at church etc. The year was full of trials, but God has promised when we are weak he is strong. I have been able to lead Wednesday night Ladies Bible class, through Zoom. A blessing that was unexpected but wonderful. The words of Mark 9:24 resonate so clearly with me in this season. “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” NLT

* Dating relationship:) Stephen and I will celebrate 2 years of dating in May. I have seen us both grow as we continue to build towards our future. I am very proud of him and thankful for his love and support. I am a stubborn thing sometimes, and he gives me balance and perspective. We enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas with family, and got a peek into what a future together would look like....a very good thing:) 

* I'll turn 36 in 2021. Yeah, and that's about it lol. 

* Travel plans for this year...I know laughable right? I don't have any big travel plans for 2021. I don't feel comfortable flying anywhere due to COVID, so if I do go somewhere, then it'll be in driving distance. This should also help with my savings and financial life, so in the end all is well. If I could go to a dream location though, I'd say take me to Hawaii! 

For 10 years I have closed the same way, so here we go:) Love you all from the bottom of my heart! Sending big hugs and sunshine smiles into your New Year.

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2021 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Maude Stewart that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!

Understanding the Preparation

 This year I welcome Thanksgiving, the first one in my new home. I get giddy just thinking about that statement. Especially considering what a year 2020 has been!

The guest list is small, but also just right. Thanksgiving with my parents and my boyfriend. Oh, then multiple family Zoom Thanksgiving video chats!! 

So tonight I'm doing preparation, cleaning, laundry, organizing, and planning. I'm walking in and out of rooms muttering to myself, "Now WHY did I come in here?" and also " Darn it, I forgot to put the lid down on the washer, an HOUR ago!" 

It flashed through my mind, that all this preparation, it is not burdensome, it actually is a joy. To have family to come, to have a home for them to stay. I am a blessed girl.

I then thought back to all the times that my grandparents would have family gatherings. Old homes, full to the brim of family. Those, "get in where you fit in" kind of gatherings. I appreciate the preparation so much more now. The tidy bathrooms, the clean crisp sheets, the full fridge, full stove, and over-full hearts. 

I get it more now, the preparation of having what you need, then also what your family/guests need, and trying to anticipate their wants (popcorn and Neapolitan ice cream anyone lol). I get it now, the lists, and more lists, and super last minute shopping trips. 

If this holiday you are having Thanksgiving in any home that is not your own maybe you could do something (pick 1 or so).

1. Take time and pull your hosts aside and thank them for the meal, the preparation, the effort, and the love.

2. Don't come empty-handed. Flowers, a card, food, a small trinket. Just a little something. That thoughtful gesture will go a long way. These small mannerisms are fading away, but we can bring them back.

3. No phones out while the meal is being eaten. Enough said lol.

4. Get the photos, have the conversations, let love flow. Be inspired by the recent story of Will Smith and Janet Hubert who recently buried the hatchet after a 20+ year bitter feud. Speak in love, act in love, grace and forgiveness. Don't let Election 2020 wreck your family anymore. Take back your family. Invest in your people.

To all my family, I love you to the moon and back, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

To all my friends, I love you dearly, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

To all those who are struggling, lonely, fearful, unsure, anxious or mourning. You are NOT forgotten. You can let the feelings come, and you can also release them so that you can press on. You are strong, you are worthy, and you mean a lot to me and so many others! HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 

My Covid Journey- 1 month later

 Hello!

 I wanted to write a final post about this journey with Covid. Again for everyone I meet that has had it, their story has different elements. Also, as a reminder I had a moderate case. I did not have any of the 4 symptoms that would alert you to go to the ER.

 I'll start with a celebration. Today marks 1 month since my positive Covid test results. What.A.Month! Thankfully my only lingering side effects are reduced energy and my savory taste buds are still off kilter a bit.

 I wanted to share some things that helped me on the path to feeling better. Some you can do now as we will enter cold and flu season, to strengthen your immune system. An ounce of precaution is worth a pound of cure.

Here is a list of all the meds and vitamins I took or still take-

*Vitamin C

*Elderberry gummies and capsules (Amazon)

*Vitamin D

*Motrin (or any fever reduction meds)

*Airborne

*Multivitamin (Costco)

*Tessalon Perles (prescribed by my doctor for cough)

*over the counter cough medicine (CF)

*Regular Aspirin ( doctor suggested this for 1 month after a positive COVID test, to reduce chance of blood clots)

Other recovery tips-

*HYDRATION especially water

*Toothbrushes ( I used a new toothbrush every few days, it felt cleaner than brushing with the same germs I was coughing up)

*Wash anything you think might be contaminated (clothes, bedding, I even washed all the rugs in my house)

*Start a very detailed cleaning regiment ( think about everywhere your hands touch often, think about the distance of the particles of a sneeze or cough....clean everything!) Remember good old bleach cleaning was good enough for our grandparents, and still works to this day.

*Get a good thermometer (thermometer covers were so helpful in keeping it sanitary between uses)

Surprises-

*I will not get TMI here, but as you listen and learn your body you know what is normal. I definitely had some abnormal signs that alerted me that I was ill. One was the mucus I was coughing up was brown! The first time I saw that I panicked and called Mel who called our nurse friends. It was a normal sign of infection, but man I was so scared.

*Just how much you will sleep when your body is sick. I am a go-getter, always liking to be busy, but man oh man, I spent days in bed.

* As I recovered I kept thinking about the critical cases. The type of pain you would have to be in to go to the ER. I was really humbled because I could have been another story in the news. Like I said, it has been quite the experience.

* Lastly, the best kind of surprise was the overwhelming love that was critical in my recovery. Just imagine not being able to go out and get anything you need. I live by myself, my parents and sister live in other cities, my boyfriend was sick. And yet, I was provided with every SINGLE thing I needed. I am a testament that God is faithful. My family, church and friends were his literal hands and feet as I recovered. 

As I look back on my sickness, I remember the worst night. It was 3am in the morning and I was burning up, then shivering and achy, and coughing so much. Tossing and turning and feeling like I was going to vomit. And I remembered the Scripture that if you call out to God he will hear you. And so that's what I did. I cried out that I felt so bad, and that I knew he could help me to feel better. I cried out in sickness, and some fear, and just in being so weary. A month later I know, I know with all my heart and spirit that he heard me that night, and he heard all of you that prayed and he delivered healing to my body. To God be the glory!

Psalm 34:17

New International Version

17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.

Reflections on my COVID-19 experience

I am writing this down, one because I write to process, and two because there are so many COVID stories out there, and I want to share mine in hopes that someone might learn something that will help them if they experience this illness.

A few facts to start, I know who I got the virus from, and that person knows where they got it from. So at least that is a not a mystery. Also, this is day 9 since I got my official positive test results back, and I am feeling better, getting more energy daily, but still definitely not 100%.

I can't pinpoint the beginning. In all honesty I was worried about someone I love who was not feeling well so I don't think I noticed that I was feeling odd. I do remember my energy starting to lag, coughing, and feeling like I was burning up. I took my temp and it was 97 degrees so I told myself, I was just being crazy and feeling "sympathy illness". One day I also remember ordering pizza, and it looking SO delicious, but it tasted super salty. I remember that's all I could taste was salt, and thinking that was odd.

Well I started to cough more, get more and more tired and weak. I'm a talker but I was avoiding all phone calls because I didn't want to alarm anyone with a coughing fit. These were wet/mucus coughs so I started taking cough medicine.

Then it kind of all hit at once. Total exhaustion, sore throat, no smell or taste, yucky cough, nausea and diarrhea, body ache and chills. I went to get a COVID test. I had already started my quarantine because I knew something was wrong. I have general good health, so I knew this was the worst I had ever felt.

As I waited 3 days for my results the symptoms got worse, I finally told my family and close friends what was going on. After 2 nights of no sleep I called my doctor and I had to advocate for myself,to get some stronger cough medicine. At first they said to take over the counter meds but I had already done that. So I called back in my feverish anger and said, NO, I need something stronger, because I am not sleeping and not eating and I feel terrible.

I got my positive results back on a Saturday, and my parents, family and friends started getting me everything I needed. Soup though I could not taste, unsalted Saltines because even the little salt on Ritz was unbearable, vitamins, drinks, care packages, cleaning supplies, everything. I was so weak and tired, I'd be winded just bringing stuff in from the porch to the living room.

Here is one thing that I tell everyone. Make sure you have a thermometer that works! Mine was old and incorrect and so by the time I got a new one my fever was 101, but I know during those bad days it had to be higher.

So I stayed in, slept a lot, drank liquids because I was feeling so dehydrated, slept more and prayed, not just for me, but anyone at all who was dealing with COVID. Having it definitely increased my understanding and empathy. I will say I had a moderate case, I did not have the symptoms that required going to the hospital, but I definitely was sick.

I started to recover. As the fever left so did the nausea, and I could get some crackers and soup down. Still no taste, but I needed energy. The energy started to come back and I could actually walk to the laundry room without feeling depleted. I was able to talk on the phone more and text. This entire time, I had the most amazing network of loving family and friends, who dropped off everything I needed on the porch. Also, my mom and sister nursed me from afar. Ice cold ginger ale was my very best friend:)

So today is day 9 since my positive test. Almost all of my symptoms are gone or decreasing. I will be at 14 days of official quarantine this Saturday. I have made plans to get the 2 retests I will need to return to work.

I will never forget this situation. I will do another update once I feel all the way "normal" and return back to work etc. I am so grateful for my health and for the loving support that uplifted me when I could not uplift myself. If you start to have symptoms, do some online reputable research (CDC, your state Dept of Health) and go get a test if needed. Also, go ahead now and make sure you have cold/flu meds, a thermometer, and cleaning supplies.