Love, Love, Love

It is both easy and hard to love. In many ways love is difficult yet worthwhile. And that is why people (including me) struggle with it. That is why the term love is used in situations where no real love exists. Because it is SO multifaceted. Because it is SO ingrained in our beings as humans. Because we love the notion of love.

Oh, all the different types of love. Passionate, enduring, forgiving, gentle. The list could go on and on and on. Love is an action word. It is an action because I believe it is something you do. It would be easier to think that love happens to us. But that is the reason so many people give up and stop trying to love. Because they feel like they have no real part in it. That when the rubber meets the road they don't have any buy in, into this love they are supposed to feel for others. But when you choose to be love.....that right there will change your life. It will bring both sorrow and joy and yet you will endure because of the basic and powerful love you choose to act out day in and day out.

Complex, though it may seem. Love is rewarding. For myself as a Christian, when I love others I am getting the closest to the God in them. And at 26 I now know that what is lovable in me is God....the smile, the kindness...the consideration. That is all him and I am SO grateful.

 Trials, mistakes, fears. Love goes to battle with all of these things and more.....and the big secret is that it always wins. True love, abiding love, faithful love always wins.
But love masked as jealousy, violent love, fake, wishy-washy love.......when that love goes to battle it fails time and again because it is an illusion. And yet each day we look around at people grasping desperatly for the illusion of love. There are voids both deep and wide in people and they want to be filled. And the illusion of love will seem to be fulfilling. It is powerful and it will trick you.....but when the test comes, and this I know full well....the tests will come.....it will vanish in your hand like smoke. And as humans we all know people who are still confused about how the "love" in their life disappeared. When the reality is it was never there. That fake love is the biggest mind game of all. And it saddens me to see and hear people doing all that they can to get the illusionary love. Selling their bodies, souls, earthy possessions and minds  for moments of "love" in their life.

Deep thoughts for a Sunday! I hope that everyone who reads this has found real love in their life. That we would all have the wisdom to tell the difference. To not put fake love out into the world, nor accept it from others. I hope that we all are doing our very best to be love to others. That in a world of flattering words and broken promises, we stand up for action and helping and loving and the joy it will bring into our lives.

Marriage vs. Wedding

                                                                    sweets from here

I am learning all of the time. In the classroom and out. There are lessons being taught all around us.....in the moments. Most recently a few good friends have gotten engaged. I am so happy for them! And through thinking about their weddings and the fun of talking "shop" about the weddings I learned some things.

The main, number 1 lesson was that in my little life I have only thought about weddings a small bit. And I have not thought about marriage that much at all. I know more about what I would like for my one day, maybe, future wedding than my one day, maybe, future marriage. And that was not a lesson I liked learning.

I am a romantic at heart and I have had a God blessed marriage as an example in front of me for 30+ years. But I have been busy, you know! School, faith, friends, and life usually take up all of my time. So sitting around thinking about marriage was not a priority. However, at 26, I am starting to think I do need to spend a tad bit more time considering the notion. The notion being a marriage not just a wedding. Because you see, I would love to get married one day.....but as of now I am not ready. And I will admit I could, maybe, possibly, not let my mind wander to marriage because it makes me nervous.

Spending the rest of your life with someone. Combining two families. Learning more about trust and my lack thereof. Having faith and the true everlasting love that make marriages last lifetimes. Meshing interests. Sharing opinions....sharing everything. SIGH.....I guess I can admit it, those things make me want to kick off my flip flops and run for the hills. And many things in life do not make me feel that way.

A crack in my armour.....quite possibly. An area in my life that needs growth... definitely. The random ramblings of a nut....surely! hahahaha j/k. There is no clean way to end this because I have no answers....this whole thing is a work in progress I guess. But at least I am aware of it now. To Be Continued!

Relationships

It is amazing when we think about all of the relationships in our lives.
I am a daughter, sister, friend, cousin, granddaughter, niece, teacher, student, mentor, and the list goes on.

I put different amounts of me into each relationship. I think the best thing about relationships in our lives is they help us grow. I am not the same Sabrina I was even a year ago, and that is amazing yet kind of odd at the same time. Each day I gently drift farther away from my Tallahassee life and I will admit here, I tried to cling to that life after my move to UGA. Looking back now I see that I was scared and lonely and so I spent a lot of time in Georgia thinking of Tallahassee things. (Note to self....that was pretty much a waste of time....comforting true, but not fulfilling in the end.)

I will also admit that right now I am in flux....caught between two experiences and the multitude of relationships entwined in each one. My family relationships are stable, and after a few years with some tough losses I am so grateful for that. I thank God for it all the time! The teacher/student relationship is awkward at times as the teacher in me yearns to stand up and share.....when at this point I am at a place where I need to sit and listen and learn. And hence the inner struggle! Grrrr....

Oh relationships! I know in my heart that growth and stagnation cannot happen at the same time. I think I was trying to mesh them though. Live with one foot in my past and one foot in today and my mind in the future. That is no good. That leads to stress, and discontent, and it wears you down until you are crying over the small stuff that feels like huge stuff because you are so off balance! (What a vulnerable statement for someone like me who likes to be right.)

My dear friend posted a wonderful, deep post today and it spurred me to share:) She is so courageous and I love her so much and thank God for her all of the time.

I guess I will end with a vow of sorts. To try my best to be in the moments. To not mourn or wonder anymore about what has been broken. To pray for help when I would divide myself. To delight in every new day, every new moment, and every new experience. I love my life and am blessed beyond my imagination....it's time I started claiming that more:)