Sunday, August 27, 2017

In a Week

Last week was a doozy! Sad news, really hard news, then amazing news! All in one week! My little heart was all over the map last week. Whew, but I am so grateful to serve a living God. A God who is "the way, the truth and the life". I had to rely so much last week on prayer. Tears as prayer, groanings as prayer, and even questions and great praise as prayer.

I wanted to look back and just remember that God is faithful. That his ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. I was reminded last week that we need to cling to the Lord. And also, I was reminded to slow my mind and life down. Take it one day at a time, which I almost never do. But it's a new top priority. And in general a less stress way to live. And I can use a few lessons in less stress.

Also, last week was a reminder to return to God and thank him for answered prayers. There is a Bible story about 10 lepers. And after being healed, only 1 returned and gave thanks. Just like human nature right? That story has always resonated with me, and so in the midst of it all last week, I returned and thanked God for a special answered prayer that has spanned over the last 2ish years.

A new week is here. But most importantly, today is here and I am thankful.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Claim It!

August has started off as the month of amazing foundations being built for the future. I have kept saying to myself over and over, "Claim it!". I know I will look back one day and see even more clearly, how this month swept in some great changes in the life of a Sabrina.

In finances, I have saved, and most importantly I have a plan. It might take 3-5 years to see the ultimate fruits of my labor, but I have such a great feeling about what is to come. This is the season of planting, and the harvest will in time be a home that I can purchase. Not yet but one day.

In work, I am starting year 4 at my school. And year 4 of being back in Tallahassee. And though my very nature and personality get kinda antsy, and future focused. The mantra is to stay, and relax, and be still. I am working diligently and I do think in the future, years from now, a new thing will show itself in the form of a job opportunity. Not yet but one day.

In faith, I am praying, believing, and growing. I am not a finished product, and I actively need and ask God to help me overcome me. To show me his will and purpose for my life. It's a season where some weeds would try and creep in, but the master gardener is using Scripture, prayer, and his people to garden my spirit. I'll never arrive per say, but journeying with the Lord is the goal.

In relationships, I have had to struggle with the balance beam of putting myself out there, and reality. The conclusion is loud and clear, right now is not the time for me to be dating anyone. Gotta get my mind clear, and heart and emotions in tune. Gotta get the dreams and reality in sync. And I would not want to drag someone else into that unresolved stuff. Now I would truly enjoy some mellow companionship...a football watching, home-cooked food tasting, park walking, Christian man in my life. But maybe it's something for later. I have to have much faith, because I just don't know, and can't force or plan or schedule it. Not yet but one day.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Mothers Are...Part 2

In tribute to Mother's Day 2017

I wrote Part 1 last year, it is here if you want to take a peek. It is one of my favorites! 

Mothers are insightful. How did she get the "hidden" meaning in my tone? There is something about a mom that always gets to the heart of the matter. We might say the same story to three different people, but it is only mama who follows through with those leading, probing questions that get to the crux of the issue. Of course they can get a little too close for comfort, but you know, I think that's their right, considering that they birthed/raised us and all;)

Mothers are strong. Have you noticed how fearless she is? Mothers are courageous, risk-takers. They are always prepared and capable of saving the day. It's uncanny how they can be in pain or trouble, but rest assured, t
hey are not going to go down without a fight. Mom's are loyal and protective and their drive and strength are the foundations on which most of us still rely upon (in some way). Even to this day.


Mothers are deep! Hold on, can you say that one more time? Mothers can assess a situation and give you an interpretation that will stand the tests of time. Moms are character builders, not here to entertain the foolishness of the present time, but to impart wisdom to last us through the years. Mamas can still make us remember the very best of ourselves, and try and present that self to the world. Your fanciest degrees or travel experiences will not beat the depth of a talk with mom, at the kitchen table. And that is priceless. 


Mothers are surprising. What in the world is she doing over there? Just when you think you have her figured out, wham! Nope, go back to square one and try again. Moms can change and adapt as needed. They can move and fluctuate to adjust to temperamental teens, angsty young adults, clinging infants, and stubborn "grown-up" children. It is a true spectacle to behold, how a mother is both steady yet unpredictable. It can boggle the mind, which again is more than ok since they birthed and raised us! 


So, to all of the mothers out there. The new ones with "arm babies", the mature ones whose babies have their own babies now. To the mothers who can still run around the yard and those who are pushed in a wheelchair from place to place. To mothers who have lost and those who have gained. And especially to one special groups, so near to my heart. To the women who want to be mothers. To the silent struggle, to the desire that is unanswered yet. Have faith my warriors, know you are loved and I am praying for you! Happy Mother's Day to you all! 

Friday, April 21, 2017

31 was...

Another birthday will be here in a week! Another time to reflect and celebrate the life of Sabrina. And I am thankful and joyful to get ready to enjoy a fun birthday:) I am a birthday girl at heart, loving to get together and enjoy a month of smiles in April!

As I have done in the past, I wanted to look back over a year. 31, I don't want to close you out without taking some moments with you, to see how the 365 days went. Hint: They went really, really well!

31 was musical...
I started out my birthday weekend last year, in Jax, seeing, singing and dancing to Motown the Musical. And that lively spirit has followed me all through 31. This year was me singing to Smokey Robinson, Boyz II Men, Backstreet Boys, and making plans to sing to John Legend and Bruno Mars (SO excited!).....yeah, so you could definitely say, I was feeling the music this year.

31 was healthier habits...
Sometimes you get hints in life. Hints to really be careful and alert. And so by October, I was ready (which is the biggest thing I think) to be serious about losing weight and getting lighter. Ready to move from words, into actions. So I signed up for Weight Watchers (tried and true and so helpful to me!!). Kinda crazy to sign up, right as the fabulous and fattening holiday season began....hahaha, but that's how I roll;) Anyway, then I got a Fitbit in January. And now it's April and I have lost 20lbs and I am so excited and proud of the healthier me, who now seeks opportunities to choose health.

31 was looking forward...
I am an old soul, and so I have great friends in a variety of age ranges. So, I had to catch myself this year, because I started thinking that I was further along than I really am. Kinda crazy! So the mature side of me, feels like I am older than 31, but I need to keep my feet planted in this year, this time. I looked forward and ahead a lot this year. And I hoped, and wished for some of the big things that I would love to see in my future. What things? I look forward to a faithful, dedicated marriage relationship. Raising a family together and doing my best to be a Godly wife and mother. Yeah, those kinds of beautiful things:) Until then, I'm enjoying the freedom and excitement of the current season. It's a delicate balance. One I am still working on getting right.

32, I can't wait to meet you! 31, thank you for being wonderful!

Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 a review & 2017- A preview

Happy New Year's Eve my family and friends!!! Closing out 2016....I am thankful that I have the opportunity to do it and also grateful for the year (though it was an odd one I will gladly admit).

Yours truly is off to the beach, to ring in 2017 with a wonderful friend, and the plan is to wake up (not too hard for an early bird like me) and walk on the beach to welcome in 2017. Calm, gorgeous, peaceful, and right smack dab in the middle of God's creation...yep that's pretty much exactly where I want to be!

To look back over an entire 365 days is quite a feat, so I won't be doing that here. It was a full year, I laughed a lot, I cried some, I grew up a-lot. Yep, 2016 saw an election, the most generous holiday assistance program for my school ever, Julie's wedding, health hiccups for my sister, and moving to my wonderful, just right for me, little place.  2016 was 31, sticking to financial goals (though the pace be slow), and starting to truly commit and change habits for physical/health goals.

In a few moments, I will get some hot tea, and open my "2016 memory mason jar"!!! Started last year on 1-1-16, I am giddy to look back at mementos for the year! And I already went to the store to buy a new one for 2017. And, speaking of 2017, below is a smidge of a preview of the next 365:)

2017:
* Friends and family I know will have babies and grow their families, and begin new relationships, and get engaged, and get married ( I am a little romantic and just love a good love story!) and some might beak-up. 
* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness
I will walk along with those I love as they work through loss, and be really humble and grateful for the protection and health of my family. I do not take that for granted!
* The finances, like a slow locomotive, chugging along life's path. Slowly building steam toward a brighter financial future. I plan on working this summer to give my finances an additional boost ( no sacrifice no reward, right??). 
* My walk of faith, may it continue to blossom in faith, hope, and obedience to the way that Christ is calling me to live and love. Teaching the kiddies on Sunday mornings, and continuing to pray, pray, & PRAY! My main motto is that, "God will provide." Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.A reminder for busy-body me to chill out, and trust more. I am not as in charge as I like to think.
* The stable, consistent part of me, wants roots. And I want them here. So, to just keep investing in my Tally community, is part of 2017 for me.
* Getting to know someone, dating, relationships, etc. I am about as nervous as nervous can be, which makes me just shy away from the whole thing. But, courage is needed and deep breathing;) All I can really say is, we shall see.
* Turning 32 (who me??......yeah I guess;))
Travel lite in 2017. But one super-awesome sister's weekend in Las Vegas is on the books!!! Happy dance!!

For the past 6  years I have used the words below to end these posts. So here we go, because tradition means something to this girl! 
Now with all of that said I will say this.....2017 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Maude Stewart that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!




Thursday, December 22, 2016

Back Briefly

When I glanced back at my blog, I see that I have not posted since the summer. Not good Stewart, not good. I keep up my personal blog, and share life through Facebook and Instagram. But, I will always, always want to keep this space. It has been a narrative of years of the life of Sabrina, and the published and unpublished posts are a telling reminder of true life and feelings (oh the feelings!) as they unfolded.

So, I will return shortly, to peer into 2017. A fresh new year with wonderful possibilities!

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Facing Life As It Is

-Painkiller Addiction
-Isolationist behaviors
-Drunken or High Times that leave memories fuzzy at best 

There could be a very, very long list of things that people choose to escape reality. And reality is painfully harsh at times, I mean deadly harsh.

But what then? 

How do we go along, trying to live an authentic, loving, light-shining kind of life, among the truly "yuck" moments? Among the violent, blaming, hateful moments. It can make you feel like you are fracturing from the inside. SO many thoughts, SO many emotions, SO many desperate needs.

-Evenings looking at the stars & Moments to marvel at the rain
-Fervent prayer & Worshiping in "spirit and truth"
-Family & Friends and more "focused" relationships  

There could also be a very, very long list of things that people can choose to do to embrace reality. The story is not all bad, there is a theme of birth and newness.....but there is also a theme of death and decay.

And that my friends is what we are called to live in. A world with both themes, written alongside each other. And it's a book that should be a best-seller. This novel of life. It's sharp, and gritty, and kind, and funny, and exhausting!

Each of us is responsible for our part of the book. And in the span of all time, know this, that it will be brief. You won't get much time to share your essence. So, you better make what you have count! It could be easier to escape; not care, not reach out, not research. But we are better than that. At our core, we are better than mindless living, horribly risky choices, and being so busy we can't see straight. At our core, we still want to care, help others and attend to their needs, and enjoy the breathtaking moments.

Here we are in July, and it has been a summer filled with pain. Pain, upon pain upon pain. Facing life as it is, calls us to recognize our part, and be present and thoughtful. I know that I have some influence, it is small but it is something. And the change that needs to happen in my part of the world, it starts right here with me. Me, facing life as it is, owning my bias and mistakes, and owning that I am still here, blessed to get a chance to own my triumphs and accomplishments. Facing life as it is. Sometimes, we close our eyes because the hurt is deep and real, BUT we must reopen them always. We can't turn aside from the hurt of another. We must bravely face life as it is....together.