Tug of War

In one day I felt both the incredible joy of new love and trusting covenant, as a sweet, wonderful friend got married.

And I also felt disbelief, fear, and sadness as another friend shared about some struggles and betrayals in her own marriage.

It was a lot to handle in one day let me tell you. It was a true tug of war as my feelings and emotions went from grief to peace. Where am I now? Questioning, would be a good word. I admire those who believe in love even when love is under attack.

This tug of war left me mentally exhausted. I am a thinker, and so my little mind just wanted to make sense of what was going on. How life can be so fair and yet so unfair? I didn't come up with much. Except, this; Don't give up. That's what I was reminded of this weekend. When your trust in someone is rewarded and the sun in shining on you and all seems right in the world, be humbled and thankful for that. And when your trust in someone is not rewarded, and they hurt you and make horrible choices that can be life-changing, don't give up.

Sometimes I want the good and that is all. If it smells of struggle, I turn tail and run. Or pray that it be over quickly, or avoid, or ignore. But the lessons learned through the trials are the best lessons of all. Two strong women let me share in their lives this weekend. Of course if I had to choose I would want to be the bride. Fresh, ecstatic, and enthusiastically in LOVE with her new husband. But, I need to also learn from my other friend's strife. I need that strong core that keeps on keeping on when the road is treacherous. I need strength to not just give up when the going gets tough. I need that peace that passes all understanding and comes from being absolutely humbled.

In the end, I need to find a place of calm refuge. Where my love story might be written. Not overly beautified by fanciful, fluff romance. Not overly catastrophized by grim darkness and distrust. But set free by sacrifice and hope.

Friday Tunes

My Friday Tunes usually are songs with words. However, to switch it up a bit I thought I would feature this gorgeous piece of music by The Album Leaf. It's pretty and relaxing and reminds me of the Fall for some reason. Have a great Friday!!!

And then I Laughed

It's been an unstable time in my life. You have probably guessed that from my last few posts. However, as the title suggests, through it all, there are times when all you can do is laugh and smile. You have no choice! And those are great, refreshing times.

Seeing a gorgeous rainbow in Athens, GA after reading a dear friend's travel blog where she mentioned the rainbows of New Zealand.

Getting the news that the "old wives tale" game at the baby shower I helped host was actually spot on. And really did predict the sex of the baby. Nuts:)

Watching the slightly confusing yet reliable way that my sister gets things done.

This perfect quotation. As someone who works with kids, I feel like it sums up how they keep you on your toes and are totally and completely random in the absolutely best way!

It's appreciating the small things that make life better!

Stay vs. Leave

It is an odd feeling to be in limbo. That place between what was and what is to come. It's a place I am coming to know well. Because, though internally I swore that I would KNOW where my future was taking me by the summer; the summer is almost here and things are clear as mud.

One huge, gigantic idea is whether I stay or leave. I am 99% set on staying in Georgia. That is a given. Sometimes when I get nervous or completely unsure, I will weigh the options of going back home to Florida. But I just don't think that is where I am supposed to be at this moment. I could be wrong but I am praying that I'm not.

But then there is still the question of do I stay or leave Athens? And I go back and forth and up and down and all around with that one. Currently, I just cannot find any peace with this struggle, so I guess that means I need to keep working at it.

Stay or leave? Sometimes I feel almost crazy because there are many reasons to stay in Athens. So, then why this tug to go somewhere else? I really need to be able to trust God and myself. Currently I feel like I don't. I want to but it is harder than I imagined. And I won't be at real peace until this huge decision is made. I know that it takes time, but time is ticking by!!!

Anyway, as soon as I know something for certain, I will be sure to share. Until then, any extra prayers for an increase in my faith would be appreciated:) 

Happy Birthday Stewart

Mel
Rosie
Mel Bell
Stewart
Mac Meep
Melanie Rose Stewart

I can assume that you know how much my little sister means to me. To know me, you also have to know about Melanie. Maybe it's the 13 months between us. Maybe it's our common interests and friends. Maybe it's because we are both striving to grow into Godly women. Maybe it's our amazing parents who have always made family important. Maybe it's the trials, or maybe it's the triumphs.

Whatever it is. I count my sister as a huge blessing in my life, and I always will! I want to take time and wish Ms. Melanie a fantastic and amazing birthday! I know we will be doing "not fun" things like moving on your actual birthday.
BUT, always remember that you are loved and appreciated. You have a brand new job and you are going to do great things. You have a wonderful boyfriend who adores you and fits right in with our family. You have an amazing number of friends who appreciate you! There is also our family who loves you to death. And of course there is me, your best friend forever who also happens to be your sister!
 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELANIE!!!! The best wish I can make for you is that God's perfect will be done in your life:)

Friday Tunes

My Friday Tunes segment is back! Now I am not sure how the summer is going to effect/affect my blogging. It is already sporadic and might get worse;)

However, today here is a beautiful song from Christina Perri:) Enjoy your weekend and Memorial Day. I will be helping the sister move and celebrating her 26th birthday!!!

Feels Bad

Yesterday I wrote a short post about things that are currently making me feel good. I started with that because those things make me smile and are more exciting to share. But, the flip side of the coin is that there are things that make me feel bad. By bad I mean frustrated, uncomfortable, struggling, and teary.

Here are some things that are making negative waves in the ocean of my life (beach reference...I already miss it!).
Looking at my budget and seeing that I was a tad too happy buying graduation "necessities".
Measuring myself against the hundreds of other job applicants who want the same jobs as I do.
Slight body image issues.
Missing prayer group and my faithful friends who keep me grounded and reminded of a Godly way to live.
Politics and the upcoming election (I want to just plug my ears because people can be so horrible!).
Making hard and difficult decisions. And maybe owning up to the fact that I can be stubborn and that, stubbornness can be a problem.

Whew, it feels good to get that stuff out of my ever swirling mind. Here's hoping that by owning up to the good and bad I can find a happy medium and a more grounded way of thinking.