Tuesday, April 29, 2014

28 was...

I'm ready to welcome in another year. Specifically 29, and the last year of being in my 20's.
But before I start something new, I want to reflect on what has been, my wonderful 28th year!

Curious about the past birthdays from 25 up until now? I wrote about them here.

28 was....
family-oriented. A wedding is a time for unity and love. As you get ready to send your loved one onto a new path and journey, you also look back at what makes your family special. Getting Melanie married was a joyous time in my life. And it made me think and ponder the great blessings that are enveloped in my family. 28 was a year of loss, with an uncle and my great-aunt passing away. And it was a year of growth in the family with a new baby 2nd cousin and a cousin getting engaged. All in all, the family love was simple and content this year. You only get to help your baby sister plan her wedding one time in this life. That process was a HUGE part of a happy 28th year!

prayerful. Prayer has been both a need and habit in my life since I was small. It has grown as I have grown and keeps me connected to my faith and God. But in the 28th year I feel as if prayer became an integral part of Sabrina. I think because I prayed both prayers of thanks, and happiness, and I let myself pray in confusion and deep unhappiness. There was a life that I wanted in Atlanta and when it did not work out, I prayed instead of running away from my disappointment and frustration. And those moments were good for me, just like the laughs have been good for me. Answered prayers abounded this year. Babies, transitions, decisions, weddings, and waiting; Loss, pain, anger, and doubting. Prayer sustained me though all of these things. To sum it up, the Bible says it best. I love how poetic this sounds. James 5:16 "Confess your trespasses[a] to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

perseverance.   The things that have been worth it this 28th year have not fallen into my lap. The hard work at school, with family, just in general have been a trademark of this year. I have had to try again and again. I have had to walk strong in faith as I watched things breaking apart all around me. To me perseverance has been needed to handle so many things. And that is not a bad thing, it is just a thing. But holding on does have its perks, and I am stronger and much better because of the things I have worked through.

full of sharing. After 3 years of living alone, I got some roommates, or maybe they got me. Anyway, sharing your living space as an adult is always a lesson. I am thankful for how kind my roommates are, and I am thankful that I have had to compromise on things. Compromise is good for a Sabrina. Because I want things my way, and have worked it out in life to get a lot of what I want. Sharing my life, time, space, heart, spirit, and mind makes me continue to look outside myself and to hold myself accountable. Do I want to work in a pleasant and family like atmosphere? Well then I better be making it that way by my actions. Do I want some adventure and new things in my life, well then I better start saying Yes, and not hiding from circumstances. All along the pathway of 28, I relearned what I learned at 8. And that is.... life is better with people. And that while everyone can't stay around forever, you get precious moments to share with a ton of people that come across your path. Be nice to them and share. Share and watch your life change.

29, I think we should go out and see what you have in store!

Sunday, April 13, 2014

The birth-month so far...

If I could have a theme for my idea of celebrating my entire birth-month, I would call it, "Everyday Celebrations".

Each year in April I am just more mindful of saying Yes to fun and lighthearted things. Examples....

Frozen movie night
Me time at the Bontanical Gardens
Calling friends far and near to catch up on life and share
Small splurges....just because I feel like it
Reunion lunches with wonderful Godly women
Skate Night
Cleaning and organizing on purpose
Rising very, very early to work on my fitness....and kinda liking it
Holiday weekends with my family
Writing in a brand new, amazing journal

And we are only 13 days in! I can't wait to see how the rest of the month unfolds. I have high hopes for wonderful things!!

Saturday, April 5, 2014

When Eminem makes you stop and Think

It is intriguing how you can hear a song just one time and it just gets you. Like right in the gut.
That's how it was last night with the Eminem and Nate Ruess song Headlights.
I think it was because my teenage years were filled with the much too graphic yet still genius music of Eminem. I never owned a CD, but if it came on the radio then I knew it.

And even back then, I remember thinking, his music, and his talent, they went much deeper than some flash in the pan. Because he was rapping from the heart and it was a place filled with straight up anger, and dysfunctional living. And it was 100% opposite from my life in every way.

So last night to hear Headlights and think back to the intense words he spoke in my teenage years about his mama. To hear him in Headlights, well it kinda took my breath away. Because in this season where I feel like I am having to grow up. I see that I'm not the only one. EVERYONE changes and grows up. EVERYONE has to mature. You cannot escape that, though you can hold it off for a time. No matter your up bringing or wealth, your faith, your fears, your status, or your job. My generation, and the ones who have gone before, we are grown-ups now. And the babies of my friends will be grown-ups one day too. Time was never meant to be frozen.

In gist Headlights talks more about his troubled and very sad childhood. But while the emotion is there, and I mean he shares it openly, the song made me want to cry actually. Anyway, that deep seeded, bitter, uncontrollable anger is not present. I don't even know where he gets the strength to share as he does. I figure he raps sorta, kinda like I blog, to get the feelings and thoughts out of his mind.

Anyway, despite some language, I got a lot out of Headlights. It was a vivid reflection of the lives that many of my students face. Daddy gone, Mama struggling with her own issues, and kids left to fend for themselves, and not doing a very good job. Because this world is not made for children to have to be grown-ups before their time. Those are the stories you don't want to hear because they tear you up and in some ways make you feel absolutely helpless.

There comes a time in life when you learn that there is nothing in that place of holding on to resentment. And even though you might have gone through some truly unspeakable hardships and pain. The letting go, the moving on, the extending forgiveness, those are the things that will save your life. Looking back and basking in bitterness is not only lonely, but it will steal your life right from under your nose.

Whew! Who knew one song would get me so stirred up. But such is life. I think I will continue to think about this topic, about how much we can grow up when we accept it. And about how much change is actually possible when you open yourself up to goodness and forgiveness. I have no idea, but maybe Marshall has grown in faith, in some sort of way. Who knows right? However it has happened he is transforming. And that is something we don't always notice, though it is happening to us all.