Saturday, September 27, 2014

Watching out for Envy

                                                                         (from here)
Envy is crafty isn't it? I can say that because I caught myself the other day, and I was even surprised by the small thoughts that crept into a perfectly normal day.

29 has been a wonderful year! I have been blessed and seen growth in myself that makes me hopeful for what lies ahead. I love the home that I get to share with one of my best friends. I love the job that I have where I get to work with students and families (and paperowrk of course!). I am settling in at the church that will prayerfully become my church home. It is my favorite season, and I know life will be wonderfully great between now and New Year's 2015.

And yet, envy would still find a small opening. And I am pretty self-aware, so I know this is not just a Sabrina thing, it is a human nature thing.

With all of the blessings in my life, I saw something and was both excited and yet, a part of me wanted it for myself. The interesting part is, I know I was a late-bloomer, focused on my school and career for a long, long time. That Sabrina was great, but she was not ready to be a wife, mother, or homeowner. Envy makes you forget that though, it clouds the picture and makes you think that if you had the gift that another has been given, that you would somehow enjoy it more, or cherish it differently. Envy makes you ask...."Why not me?".

This bout of feelings, got me to thinking. Thinking about being a 29 year old woman in the American South in 2014. I thought of my own mother and the milestones of her life, I thought of my peers and the milestones in their lives. And then I took a very deep breath. In and out, and I refocused myself. Everyone refocuses differently, and this time I thought of the reminders in the Bible to be thankful, and the Old Testament commands to "not covet".

Breathing and slowing down my mind helped me to be purposeful. I am in control of my thoughts, and mine needed a booster shot to get back on track. Thankfully, all is well! I have everything that I need in life, and much of what I want and desire. I know what truly matters, and that it cannot be contained in a house, mate, or child (though I carefully look forward to those blessings at the right time for me).

My life is just exactly as it should be. I am at peace with that thought, thankful for my opportunities, and continually ready for what lies ahead!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

30 day journaling project- Day 2

Something you feel strongly about....

Hmmmm, where to start? I have a pretty passionate personality, and feel strongly about quite a lot of things. I think I will focus on children though, since they are an extra special part of my life.

It is difficult for me to handle when adults make horrible decisions that affect children. This usually, is their parents, but can be a host of other people.

I feel strongly, when politicians whose children never even went to public school, make money based decisions that affect millions of children in this country who attend their local public schools.

I feel strongly about adults who openly cuss in front of children or worse at their children, it's as if they don't get it, just how much kids learn from their environment, that then has to be unlearned later in life. And they don't get that angry discipline that includes cussing at a child should not be an option. Protect the innocence of your babies!

I still get confused about the families who are waiting for children, and those who have children but don't care for their needs. Leaving children in hot cars, letting your children spend all day in front of a screen, bringing children along for the ride of not so great decisions that will mature them before it is their time.

I get so sad for the broken families and the confusion and anger and betrayal that our population of children are starting to see as normal. I wish I could let the parents who have left their duty as parents, see the face of their children. Hear the questions, and the earnest wishes for families to be reconnected. Sigh, it is a troubling problem. 

I always go back to the idea that no child ever asked to be here. That was the choice of adults. And so when children suffer, it just swirls up these feelings inside me. It is why I do what I do. Someone has to listen and advocate for our children. Someone has to just be there for our kids as they work their resilient way through the ups and down of life. 

Saturday, September 13, 2014


New, bright, dawn, vibrant, awesome.
With my earlybird morning ways, the sunrise and I are good friends. It gives me peace to actually see a new day dawning. Dark night skies gently lightening up to more pastel tones. I tell you, the soft pink, orange, blue, and purple of daybreak.....absolute perfection!

Life is this concoction of fresh and routine. Fresh moments, mixed into the routines of the day to day.
I love the routines of life, the days, weeks, months, and years that are filled with the things that I am used to. But yet, I grow through the fresh experiences. I blossom through new people, places, and ideas that make me ponder and sometimes make adjustments.

I am working in a quaint little school, that is mellow and wonderful. And sometimes I feel like this rushing, quick, not mellow woman. However, this is the season for more mellow in my life. I have been planning and being busy since my teens. Loving being gone and surrounded my people. 29 has come and it keeps showing me that there is another way. A season of quiet nights, and tasks that don't get completed. A season of not being my own worst enemy. Not stacking the expectations impossibly high and then berating myself for constantly falling short.

29 feels like such a fragile age. I have moments when I react like 19 year old Sabrina, and moments of great maturity where I react, as I hope 39 year old Sabrina will react! It's kinda something else actually. Something that both encourages me and also frustrates me at the same time. How can I still be that girl and yet be the woman I will become?

I'm giddy about fresh moments, that if I will let them, can lead to fresh days, weeks, and months.
I'm learning to not rush through the fresh times, but let them last as long as they are meant.
I'm realigning my outer self with my true inner self, and admitting the gifts and the flaws.
I'm content and smiling and so very thankful for the blessings that are mine, not deserved but always appreciated!