Friday, March 27, 2015

Friday Nights

You don't even know how much you can crave a voice until you know that you won't hear it again this side of eternity.

This is week 3 of me having a tough, sad time on Friday night. It was on a Friday we had the funeral, and I don't memories flood my soul on Friday night for some reason.

The tears are good for me. I always tell my babies at work, that it's OK to cry, and that it's OK to miss someone.....those things mean that you really loved them. And so it is for me, my tears are proof that this heart yearns for my grandma so much. My missing her is a testament to the life that she lived and the devotion she showed her family.

The time will go by. It always does. Life gets loud and busy. Distractions literally land in my lap. But in the quiet of the evening, when things are still. My mind and spirit remember, and they just downright mourn the fact that I don't have any grandparents anymore. In the evenings, on Fridays, I feel lonely, even if I am around other people.

So this Friday night I will face the feelings. Just go ahead and let myself be sad for a while. And in the morning, I will rise to a new day, to a life that is rich in what counts. To sunshine and cool breezes. But tonight I miss my grandma a lot. I would love a hug and to hear "I love you Brina!" and I want to kiss that beautiful face and say "I love you grandma!" and hug her tight and sit and laugh and share life with her.

Friday nights.....sigh....Friday nights....

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Planning for a 30th Birthday

To me it is wonderful that I enjoy celebrating my birthday all month. I claim April as a month of grand things. Friends, gatherings, family, get-togethers, laughter, desserts, gifts, beautiful moments. My birthday month!

When my grandma passed, I went back and forth about my birth month. Is it OK to be truly happy again, so soon after my loss? Is is selfish, to celebrate the start of a special year, when in my quiet times, I still miss my grandma so much. My new friends at church were wise though...."Did your grandma love life?" Yes for sure! She was a lively lady! "Then, she would want you to enjoy and have a wonderful birthday!"

So, I am going to keep with plans to have a fabulous, Sabrina-style April. Welcoming 30 in many ways. *I SO want to go on a big trip like so many of my friends. But this is not the time financially. Maybe by the Fall? Beautiful pictures of crystal clear, bright blue water have me thinking island time would be just grand! OR Next Spring getting back to DC and enjoying the Cherry Blossom Festival!*

Ok, time to exit dreamland;)
Plans so far for a splendid birth month....
*Fish-fry lunch and FSU circus
*Book Club-Birthday Edition
*Prayer Group
*Canvas and Cupcakes
*Favorite Things Party

Sunday, March 1, 2015

To Know Her was to Love Her

My goodness what a time this has been.
I am back home and taking the evening to breathe and just be.

My grandma passed away peacefully on February 21st.
Her life was celebrated beautifully on February 28th.

The time between was filled with every single emotion conceivable.  Joy as I laughed at some of the hilarious things that "ma" had said during the years. Heartbreak when memories invaded and I realized again, that I won't get a chance to hear her voice calling me "Brina".

For such a busy and heavy week, everything boiled down to the title of this post....
To know Her was to Love Her.
So simple.
So perfect.
So her.

The church and her home were filled to the brim with those who knew what it was to be loved by Laura Bernice Miles. I can attest, to 29 years of that love. It was magnificent. Light and happy and comforting and just right. She loved with arms wide open, with a heart that saw all people and welcomed them in. She loved so much that it was contagious. My own mama is overflowing with love, and that is because she was loved by her mother. I love, because I was loved and taught love daily by my mother and grandmother.

That is good stuff right there, actually the very best kind of legacy. I am so proud of the down home lovin' that is alive within me. So very proud, that I am a woman that my grandma would be proud of. So thankful, for her and her life and the sweet memories that will forever be mine.

My grandma will forever live in me, she will appear as I extend and enjoy hospitality with others. She will appreciate when I love my family and cherish them. She will smile as I enjoy a good, gut-deep laugh.

To know her was to Love Her. To be Loved by her was to be truly Known. That peaceful thought will be my comfort. That happy, sincere smile will be my motivation. Seeing her again in Heaven one day will be my hope.

Farewell sweet grandma, I love you with all of my heart. I always have and I always will.