A letter to Myself

 8-26-21

With 6 weeks until I get married, I wanted to write a letter to myself, before this amazing life change happens. This is just my chance to reflect, process, and save these thoughts for future times.

Dear Me,

 Eeeeeeek! How can it be that you and Stephen are getting married, so soon? The time both flies, and also has been very full of "life". I wanted to stop this evening and write to you, a girl who has definitely enjoyed life and taken time to smell the roses. 

I guess, I will start by saying, Thank You. I thank you for every experience, every trip, every story, and every fun adventure. I am so grateful for the variety of loving memories that you created. You loved life, and you embraced people, and you tried to serve others. It has been a wonderful combination, and I will always look back and appreciate that you did not sit by waiting for dreams to happen, you went out and lassoed those bad boys by the horns lol! You learned to treat yourself well, and the rest would fall into place. 

I also want to say that each moment of your life that is leading up to the new season of marriage, that each moment, blends together beautifully. The gorgeous smiles, and the sorrowful tears. There have been some bitter moments, but the sweet is overpowering, and together both are needed for a real life. I look back over this season and sum it up with, "God is good!"

You are many things Sabrina. Determined, a girl boss, fun, a traveler, ridiculous, a baker, a reader, a napper, a true friend, a growing Christian, and a lover of family. You will continue to grow in this next season, and discover even more about yourself. It is so great to have Stephen with me, to show me great love and also encourage me on towards growth.

It was sometimes difficult, when you felt like you were ready for love and a relationship but that you were also shy with guys. Hard combination! It will always be the surprise of your life, that the first man you ever approached, would end up being your future husband:) But I do not think it surprised God, because my prayers over the years had simplified, to a Godly man who was ready for commitment. All the rest did not compare to these two things. And that is what Stephen is, I mean who else watches "American Bible Challenge" with you on Netflix. lol. And who else spoke to you early on about how he was going to change your life, and be with you forever. I am so grateful. So very grateful.

I think to end it up, I will just say it has been wonderful! Jax, to Tally, to Athens, and back to Tally. Morning stocker at Old Navy to running a pre-college access grant. Beginners flights from Jax to ATL, then flights from NYC to Germany. A life full of amazing family, and then losing amazing family. ALL of the growth and ALL of the growing pains. I am so glad that you believed in yourself. I am so thankful that you marched to your own drum with boldness and also caring. I remember in our early 20's one day, driving around and during sunrise thinking, God that is what I want. I want to be as naturally beautiful as a sunrise. I want to shine. And I also realize that not everyone gets to witness sunrises, so that means my path is not going to match with everyone, but it will be perfect for me. And look where we are now. Many thanks girl!

Love ya a whole lot!

Sabrina M. Stewart

2020 a review and 2021 a preview

Written 1-2-21

Hello 2021:) 

The setting is a rainy, Saturday, the first Saturday of January. I love that I can be cozy in my home, reflecting on a New Year. A dream come true, home ownership:) You know there is so much to say about the year that was, 2020. I am not going to get into all of it. Here is the summary. March 2020 changed our lives forever. The COVID-19 pandemic swept though the world and our country. Changes, EVERYWHERE. Working from home, masks, social distancing, and all the far reaching impacts. The main word is loss, loss of life, loss of jobs, loss of stability, loss of hope. It was a whammy of a year.

Thankfully there is always a silver lining. The creativity, the community, the love, the faith, the babies, the marriages, and the slower pace. I got COVID and recovered and that by far is the biggest blessing of the year. Though I will say my smell and taste are still not what they used to be, odd stuff. Now, as always, I will preview some parts of a fresh new year. 2021 here we come, be kind and healing please!

2021:

* Finances: I have very recently gotten myself back on track with spending and saving. Last year was home expenses, and I was not nearly as careful of budgeting. I went over budget the last few months of 2020. But, a new year and in this case back to good habits. I have some important savings goals, so that will be my aim in 2021.

* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness. In my opinion COVID is here through 2021. The vaccine is here, but I think we have 1 more year of pandemic precautions. I would cautiously think by Fall 2021, things would be more "normal" but we shall see.  The year has been summarized by so much loss, so being thoughtful about health is critical this year. 

* Side hustles will be minimum this year. My new job (started March 2020) is more than enough work for me during this season. 2021 will hold the question, will my grant program get refunded for the next 5 year cycle? A huge question that will have many consequences, but the answers will come by September 2021. It is stressful to work and wait, so this is an area where I need faith.

* In areas of faith, it has been an "interesting" year. Just a lot of adjustments at church etc. The year was full of trials, but God has promised when we are weak he is strong. I have been able to lead Wednesday night Ladies Bible class, through Zoom. A blessing that was unexpected but wonderful. The words of Mark 9:24 resonate so clearly with me in this season. “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” NLT

* Dating relationship:) Stephen and I will celebrate 2 years of dating in May. I have seen us both grow as we continue to build towards our future. I am very proud of him and thankful for his love and support. I am a stubborn thing sometimes, and he gives me balance and perspective. We enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas with family, and got a peek into what a future together would look like....a very good thing:) 

* I'll turn 36 in 2021. Yeah, and that's about it lol. 

* Travel plans for this year...I know laughable right? I don't have any big travel plans for 2021. I don't feel comfortable flying anywhere due to COVID, so if I do go somewhere, then it'll be in driving distance. This should also help with my savings and financial life, so in the end all is well. If I could go to a dream location though, I'd say take me to Hawaii! 

For 10 years I have closed the same way, so here we go:) Love you all from the bottom of my heart! Sending big hugs and sunshine smiles into your New Year.

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2021 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Maude Stewart that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!