Saturday, September 27, 2014

Watching out for Envy

                                                                         (from here)
Envy is crafty isn't it? I can say that because I caught myself the other day, and I was even surprised by the small thoughts that crept into a perfectly normal day.

29 has been a wonderful year! I have been blessed and seen growth in myself that makes me hopeful for what lies ahead. I love the home that I get to share with one of my best friends. I love the job that I have where I get to work with students and families (and paperowrk of course!). I am settling in at the church that will prayerfully become my church home. It is my favorite season, and I know life will be wonderfully great between now and New Year's 2015.

And yet, envy would still find a small opening. And I am pretty self-aware, so I know this is not just a Sabrina thing, it is a human nature thing.

With all of the blessings in my life, I saw something and was both excited and yet, a part of me wanted it for myself. The interesting part is, I know I was a late-bloomer, focused on my school and career for a long, long time. That Sabrina was great, but she was not ready to be a wife, mother, or homeowner. Envy makes you forget that though, it clouds the picture and makes you think that if you had the gift that another has been given, that you would somehow enjoy it more, or cherish it differently. Envy makes you ask...."Why not me?".

This bout of feelings, got me to thinking. Thinking about being a 29 year old woman in the American South in 2014. I thought of my own mother and the milestones of her life, I thought of my peers and the milestones in their lives. And then I took a very deep breath. In and out, and I refocused myself. Everyone refocuses differently, and this time I thought of the reminders in the Bible to be thankful, and the Old Testament commands to "not covet".

Breathing and slowing down my mind helped me to be purposeful. I am in control of my thoughts, and mine needed a booster shot to get back on track. Thankfully, all is well! I have everything that I need in life, and much of what I want and desire. I know what truly matters, and that it cannot be contained in a house, mate, or child (though I carefully look forward to those blessings at the right time for me).

My life is just exactly as it should be. I am at peace with that thought, thankful for my opportunities, and continually ready for what lies ahead!

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