39 was

 39 was starting fostering...

I knew a decent amount about foster care. I am a counselor at heart, and Tallahassee has a strong and supportive foster community.  Yet, Stephen and I definitely learned SO much in the foster process. There are classes. Homework. Discussions. Paperwork. Fingerprints. Support Groups. Readings. And the list goes on. I could not have done it without Stephen and his loving heart for others. Together we started the training part of fostering. We got our first placement. We were "schooled" on being parents. I am grateful for the journey and what 40 will bring as we continue to foster in love and hope.

39 was work woes...
As we entered January 2025, it became abundantly clear that the new leadership in this country, was and is not on board with supporting students from low-income backgrounds. As government spending cuts loomed, it was the most frustrating thing to see the wealthy be on the attack against the poor. As a grant worker, my job and the work that we do has been belittled and ignored all for the sake of those who already have a leg up, and have the privilege to not even see it. We press on doing the work in the pre-college access space, but even as I type this, I am fully aware that the future of my job rests partly on a man who is proud of his vindictive streak and thinks equity is a cuss word. It will be left to see how it all will shake out. I am preparing for all possibilities.

39 was understanding myself more...

I will truly say that during the 39th year, there were many times that I was able to really reflect on myself. Job opportunities that were not the best fit. Social situations that actually bring joy and not just another thing to add to the list. Even in fostering, learning and making adjustments, for the reality, not just the dream, if that makes sense. I can say, I know myself a lot better. My gifts and my struggles. It feels good.

39, you were a teacher in many ways. Reminding me to step back and check my lack of faith and worries. You also made me smile, increased my friendships, and added to my determination. Not bad. 40, you can be a banner year. A milestone year. I'm ready!

Fostering Chapter 1 Updates

 *I started out thinking this could be a FB post, but writing is my therapy so it got longer than first expected.

Long Post Alert, Vulnerable Post Alert

We have had some changes in our foster journey. Chapter 1 has come to a close. I can’t go into most of it, but we are at peace as changes have been made and the family is reunified in love, safety, stability and real change.

I love that our network of friends and family ask us questions about the process. I hope that our answers are helpful, true and might make you consider supporting foster care in your local area. So, in that light here are the most common questions we get, and my answers.

1.      How can you give them back? I would fall in love right away and not be able to do that.

It’s a complex answer but part of it is, I am trained in Elementary Education, with a Masters in School Counseling and a certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy. I spent 6 years in school learning kids and adolescents. I know in my brain that the best place for children is with their birth family, when the family is loving, safe, stable and healthy. I ALSO know that is not the case in many homes. The next best place for children is a loving home with trained adults (in trauma care), who have open hearts, faith ( for us this is key but might not be for all), and actually “see” children and want to help provide the best family they can.

So, we can love our foster kids and also understand on a fundamental level, that the placement might not last but the love will. To me, it’s just something you either can do, or you can’t do. I don’t EVER suggest going against your instinct, if you can’t see it, then please support in another way.

2.      Doesn’t it break your heart? The family lost them, how can you not be mad or angry with the parents?

Before we went to our first training, during one of many conversations and prayers, Stephen looked me in the eye and said, “Babe, are you sure? You are going to get soo attached to the kids and be upset when they leave. Are you sure?” And I remember what I said then and I would say it now. It’s ok. It’s ok to have your heart break or be sad. I am a grown woman with many blessings, and I have the life skills to have heart break and be ok in time. But many kids don’t and I would rather be sad and know that we did our best for a child. I would rather shed tears and be confused sometimes, if that helps a child to be able to have a fair shot at this thing called life.

From that point on, we started training etc and the rest is history.

*There is SO much to do in foster life, for us at least, there is not a ton of time to be mad and resentful with the parents. So many of us would have a different life if born to different people. So that perspective helps.

3.      What next? Is Foster child #2 on the way? Do you and Stephen want to have a baby? Adopt?

So, because life does whatever it wants, let me share this. At the start of the year just as we got licensed, my job, with a federal Dept of Education grant program supporting first-generation college students with income restrictions, was threatened (is still unsure in all honesty). It was a mess, I was stressed, and yet we were so close to starting fostering! Life is both sour and sweet… ya know. Anyway, I won’t even waste my time explaining how grants like mine change cycles of generational poverty and provide access to needed post-secondary outcomes. I will say that I need a bit of time to be laser focused on my professional future. I have some conferences to attend, and professional mapping to consider. So, we will take about 2 months of a “pause” so I can get some things settled.

In June, we will be open to our next placement😊 Along that line, family planning will take its own course. If baby Melvin ever comes to be…ya’ll know me, you would know😊 The only thing for certain is if our path were to have to include IVF etc. that is not the path for our family. So that’s really all I can say about that. Oh, but if a foster to adopt chapter of our life comes to be one day, we are open to that.

4.      This last thing is just a message from us to you. You all who love us, and lift us in prayer, and care for us, and have given us the tools to be able to become first time  parents through fostering. Little lady enjoyed everything, and we sent her with some items like clothes, books, toys, toiletries, diapers etc, as she resettles back home. We have the other donations and gifts that you all have given and will be so happy and way more ready for Chapter 2 this summer and beyond. Thank you for all that you mean to us. In this book called life, I would not change a thing😊

2025 a Preview

 Welcome to 2025!! After 12 consecutive years, somehow I did not post a 2024 Preview last year...oooops.

Each year, I like to preview the year ahead (a tradition I started years ago), and here is what I am thinking...

2025:

* Finances: Just going back to the simple things, cash vs credit. Saving vs spending. 2024 seemed to be so expensive, 2025 take it easy please lol

* People that I know and love will pass away or suffer through illness. And it will also be my part to love and support friends and family who will experience loss and sickness this year. A prayer and kind word or deed, goes a long way in the dark days of grief. This one, every year this one both breaks me and builds me up.

* At work: Sigh. Let me translate that. I love what I get to do with first gen students. I know I am making a difference. With the shifting political landscape, hard sigh, it is my prayer that programs like mine don't get cut or destroyed. I do not know. I will work each day and commit to reminding others of the importance of students on the margins. We should hear back about the 2nd grant I wrote to expand our program, in June or July. However, again it all depends on what pressures mount in DC. 

* At church: In simple words, may God continue to allow me to use the gifts he has given me. Knowledge, compassion, a willing spirit, and being able to "see" the need. I am able to help be the voice of our Women's Ministry and that blesses my life, as we bless others.

* At home: In my marriage allow grace and time to do its work. There are many things that could shift for us in 2025. All of them require waiting and that is difficult.

* I will be 40 this year! WOW! 4 fun trips during the 40th year? I don't know but I do spy a girl's trip to NYC in December 2025. And my brain is thinking of an Orlando birthday dinner with many family and friends in April. When I think 40, I would just like to have my people with me and break bread, I've simplified lately. 

For 13 out of 14 years  I have closed the same way, so here we go:) Take care, love others well and Happy 2025!

Now with all of that said I will say this.....2025 is a completely unknown entity. Sure, I know some things but they are so tiny compared to what I have no idea about. The key is to hold fast to God, have faith and grace, love my family and friends, and be the very best Sabrina Stewart Melvin that I can be.....that should not be too hard ( I am kidding) it will probably take me 365 days to kind of get it right!