Saturday, August 25, 2012

Waves of Life-A Sailing Story

The Florida girl in me resonates with the imagery of the ocean waves crashing against the shore.
Of billowing, white clouds tinged with the God created colors of a sunset.
The contented and blissful sighs of a soul at absolute peace.
A vision of that line where, in the way far distance, earth meets sky.

The ocean is gorgeous and it is treacherous. It is calm and it is wild.
And life can be like an ocean sometimes.
Waves, big and strong, crashing down on my little boat and soaking me in worries, doubts, and concerns. Leaving me feeling like a helpless captive in a storm that churns all around.

Then there are times that life is calm and so gentle that it rocks my little boat so calmly that I rest easy.
I take time and dip my toes in the water. I look up at the sky and actually enjoy the sensation of floating along, and trusting a power much greater than myself.

The 2nd full week of school is complete. It is hard to describe my work here. I was not figuring on that happening. I guess it can be summed up in this way. The challenges are real and deep and hard. I feel needed and yet I feel helpless at times. Sometimes I catch myself in my weakness, wishing for an escape. A bit of peace or usually an easy way out. Sometimes my inner emotions and thoughts are a complete wreck.

I don't know where that Sabrina has been lurking. But she is not who I will become. Maybe I can be taught to have patience with myself. Maybe I can learn to focus on the reliable people and not those who would hurt my frail feelings. I can be in control of my thoughts, which become my words and actions.

I am sailing daily. I am learning that there are a lot of lessons that I had not learned. I see that the classroom is vastly different than the deck of the ship. And that, even though it is a good thing, this blessed life of mine. It has lonely moments, frustrations with my lack of courage, and worries that my future is not going to shape up how I wanted it.

I am sailing daily. It is uncomfortable on my ship at times. And that stresses me out. I am so anxious that I jump ahead of myself. Instead of seeing the natural rhythms of the sea, I unfold MY map and tell my boat what is going to happen. This is no way to sail. That is what gives me that sinking feeling.

I am sailing daily. A new week begins tomorrow. I have to accept what is in my path, because it is there for a reason. I am already a more faithful Sabrina than a month ago. I have learned deep compassion on my short voyage. I have seen that it takes selflessness to love those who have been beaten down by life. They lash back, they don't respond. Yet, that is all a part of the trip. And I am giving myself some time. In December I want to do a check-in and see what God has done in my life. I want to see how months of sailing has changed me in positive ways.

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