Saturday, February 22, 2014

More Brave Lately

"Taking no chances means wasting your dreams." Ellen Hopkins

Are you a cautious person or a risk-taker? Maybe you fall somewhere in the cloudy middle?

Me, I am cautious to the extreme. I was probably born that way:) Taking risks is not my thing. I always think, "Hmmmm why would I chance it? What might happen if X,Y, or Z happened? That sounds freaking crazy/dangerous?" etc.

Growing up I observed how much one life affects another. And so I tried hard to not be the reason someone was crying or upset or confused. I wanted to bring happiness, and good things to the lives of people I loved. I could be worried for them, but I didn't want them to have to worry about me.

I would say that I am a strong woman. Confident in my smarts, and selected skill set. I grew up gobbling up books and travels and sometimes hiding behind excuses. I was very friendly but I kept myself away from a lot of foolishness. It was not fun for me and again, I saw the emotional consequences as far greater than a few moments of fun feelings.

Growing up I was known for my stable personality traits. You didn't call up Sabrina last minute for anything. Because, I have never felt any shame about turning down an invitation. I often gave advice and tips, but if it was not followed the first time, well then I was done. I didn't believe in wasting time or my breath. I was not the friend you could tell ANYTHING to. Nope, there was some stuff that I didn't want to hear because to me it was foolish. Too much drama, too much back and forth.

Well, lately I have been more consistently brave than I have ever been in my entire life. Who would think that this 28th year would hold some of my bravest moments?

I have made work decisions that will have far reaching consequences and bring new things to my life. I have stepped out on faith and right now the path is unsure. I am a part of a waiting game that could take months to play out. But, there is a part of me that I don't usually listen to, and it says to go ahead and try. I think the time is right for a change and a move. To welcome in new things, and go looking for more joy in my working life.

I have adjusted, well I think, to my sister being married. In November, I would have looked ahead and predicted more lonely moments. I thought I saw this whirling mass of confusion and feeling left out. But instead it has been a natural transition. Melanie is grown-up, in fact she has been for years, and lo and behold so am I. Our grown-up bond as sisters has deepened to include her husband, and some areas have been reduced, but all is well.

There is a special, new (well actually I met him freshman year at FSU) person in my life. He is both an unexpected and yet completely comfortable part of my life. The brave part of me has grown in leaps and bounds over the past 3 months (almost). I am feeling courageous (sometimes) and happy and in a very wonderful place:) He is a blessing to me!

"Courage is found in unlikely places." J.R.R Tolkien

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