Sunday, December 1, 2013

Exciting and Bittersweet

It's a little under 2 weeks officially until the wedding. We have been hustling and bustling and I know it will all be well worth it. This marriage of Melanie and Rashaan is going to be a blessing both to them and to others.

In the busy moments, my excitement is like a shot of energy. My creativity is through the roof lately. And I've listed and planned and then listed and planned some more. I've traveled and celebrated. I've talked about details until I have them memorized, both in and out. My excitement has kept me motivated to eat out less, and take care of myself more. Though I do feel a cold trying to sneak up on me. No time for that!

However, in the quiet moments. Then this feeling of bittersweet happiness tends to come in. The other night my parents and I ate dinner and I looked at the new normal. And it was good because I love them deeply. But, it was different to not have Melanie with us. And there are more of these different times coming upon the Stewart family. And I think it's because we have been so close. I think it's because the 4 of us, have loved being a family. We spend a great deal of time together, even when we are apart. And so it will be an adjustment. And the funny thing is I think I will have the hardest time.

My parents are used to it. Mel and I have not lived at home since we were 18 respectively. And we have been in Georgia for the last 4 years. But this is new for me. As the oldest, I went off to college and left Melanie to start he Senior year in Jacksonville. If you look deeper in the past I started Pre-K first, and so started this pattern of me going and always having my sister to come back to. And I got to tell the tales of all of the experiences and then she got to come the next year and experience some of the same things.

And so this is the first time that she is going ahead of me. And it is a major life change. And she is beyond ready. There is no question about that. But, I am not quite there yet. I also realize that I am not going to be her go to person anymore. That is Lee, and I'm still in the mix. But it will be different. And I also realize that after years of giving advice and tips and solutions and ideas, I won't be able to do that on the topic of marriage. Though I will still try;) She will need to go to other married people for that kind of wisdom.

So maybe now it makes more sense why this is an exciting and bittersweet time. I'm so proud of the woman that Melanie has become, and my heart is overjoyed with the Godly man that Lee is. As a husband and wife they are going to be "unstoppable"! And with her health history, no one is more deserving of this season of joy, happiness, and numerous blessings.

So amidst the shuffle, I am going to be figuring out more about me. And I'm going to be adjusting and growing and probably discovering all sorts of things. And I am thankful already for the understanding friends I have, who are going to walk this new path with me. And I'm thankful that Lee and Melanie love me and all my quirks and aren't just going to abandon me;) I don't do change well, and this change is going to be a little challenging for me, if I am 100% honest. But, I'm strong and learning to be more flexible. I'm kinda looking forward to what lies ahead for me!


Christan Bennett said...

This is so sweet Sabrina. I got a little teary eyed. I'm sure you all will adjust just fine.

Stacey said...

Once again loved reading this...beautifully put!

Sabrina said...

Thank You both! Writing helps me process everything.