Monday, March 11, 2013

A changing life

"Sabrina has changed. This school can do that to do. At ???? she was all rainbows and unicorns!"
This is part of the conversation we were having at work the other day. My AP knows me from my Internship last year, before we all moved over to a new school. And I had just finished joking with him, when he said the above.

The old me, would have jumped all over that statement. What did he mean? Should I be concerned?
But, I just took it for what it was. No biggie! Because I know for a fact now that this life is in constant flux. So, you really better not hold onto anything of this world too tightly, unless you don't mind the disappointment. And that even includes personality traits.

I did ask him later, what he would describe me as now. But, he couldn't explain it. I understand, because I can't really explain it myself. In about 2 months, a 28 year old Sabrina will arrive on the scene, and she has become more "jazzy" and "edgy" than her predecessors. And I like her, she feels more comfortable in her own skin. She tries to speak with wisdom, and spread joy, but she also can lay out the sarcasm as needed;) She is waking up more and more to the "fullness" of life outside of her upbringing and past experiences. She also is noticing her lovely smile, peek-a-boo dimples, and intelligence; appreciating the complex interplay of each and every one of these things that make her unique and lovable.

Change is really not so bad. And that is a total shift from the girl who clung tightly to the ways things were, and had built her foundation on stability. Now the woman, who is daily replacing the girl, is more realistic. She is more aware that this life is precious and amazing and full of choices. She knows that change is coming, no matter how hard we fight against it, and that the only way out is through. She has gained compassion by realizing that "the least of these" are all around us and their struggles are really the struggles of our entire society. She is stronger and more dedicated to justice and more willing to just be with people without needing to solve things for them. Maybe, that is the biggest change. I have realized that I can't live others lives for them, I can't make them make the choices that have worked for me. You have got to let people be people, and then support them all along the journey. Of course this way can open you up for hurt and confusion, but it is real......and currently that means a lot to me. More than it ever did before.

No comments: