Saturday, October 20, 2012

Faith in Action

Faith is a real, living and breathing thing. I know, because I've been wrestling with it for a few weeks now.
Sometimes I wonder if I had slipped into taking it for granted. I'm not sure of that, but I know now that my faith and I are the closest companions. And that is changing my life.

My life is like a swinging pendulum. Right and left, up and down, back and forth goes my feelings and emotions. But at the crux of everything is faith in what I am doing. I prayed for months for the right job. I asked for God's will to be done, and though I struggle, I truly believe that where I am right now is where he wanted me to be. And that is difficult because in the past his will for me has had obvious good things clearly evident. His will was good and I was good with his will. And now this.

My faith is being tested. Which is not a bad thing, but it is a difficult thing to grapple with.
Faith in Action.

The actions range from comforting grieving children, helping angry children open up and discuss their feelings, sitting in meetings feeling like a new and inexperienced novice, letting staff members vent so that they can go back to work, and so much more than most would even understand. No two days are the same. Though in general things are getting better (said with caution).

Many evenings (like 8:30) I fall asleep bone tired from my work. I still struggle to figure out how to leave the emotions of work at school. The tossing and turning of an agitated mind have been my friends more often than not. And from a woman who loves her some sleep, I know that this has got to stop.
Each morning though, a renewal of mind and spirit by a loving God helps me get ready for work. Which in some ways can feel like a war zone (on the worst days). Praying each morning helps set my spirit on God's will. Reading the Bible and a short devotional reminds me to be thankful for all parts of my special life. I also get my praise together by singing:) Looking back and knowing that positive changes are being made slowly, is something to smile about.

Faith in Action is figuring out how to show kindness and love in the face of disrespect, disobedience  and anger. It truly is standing strong when all you want to do is yell and use sarcasm just like all the other adults in  my kids lives. It is being so watchful of my spirit, and noticing if I start to even hover towards a "funk". It is changing my expectations and definitions of success. It is accepting help from others. It is being unsure and uncertain and still able to function. It is acknowledging that sometimes I'm lonely and sometimes I'm not. Most importantly faith in action is trusting God, and leaning on Jesus and knowing that the Holy Spirit is with me. All of the many other things I have often trusted have been taken from me. And I have felt dizzy and disappointed at various times.

But somehow I'm making it through. And in the end, I'm realizing that in order to build a faithful life, you will have to enter the construction zone. And you will have to sacrifice to get with the blue-print of the God who created it all. But in the future, the "new life" that has been built.....well that life will be abundant in beauty, grace, and humility. I look forward to that!

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