Sunday, October 21, 2012

Loss Stinks

"A dime in one hand and ten pennies in the other."

The saying above implies that you can have different situations in life, and yet still have the same result.
And that is how I am feeling about the amount of loss my friends and I have been dealing with lately.
In one hand you might have the loss of peace and serenity at work and in the other you might have the loss of a relationship. Or the loss of a beloved grandparent. Or the loss of the hope of having a baby. The list could continue on for ages. It's as varied as each individual who walks the earth.

It's some tough stuff, these personal and often private losses that we all carry around with us.
Lately, I have seen it over and over, that we all are the walking wounded (or will be at some time), just one good conversation away from a mini-meltdown about a variety of situations. And thankfully, in general, people are so busy that they don't have time to pry, so we keep on walking, working, and living, right there on the brink of some heavy emotional stuff.

I named this post "Loss Stinks", because it does. In the simplest manner loss is something no one wants. Because we know, as humans we are ingrained to know that loss is going to hurt. If you care at all about something, and it becomes lost to you, then you will hurt. And the hurt can last moments or years. It can resurface as we listen to a song or flip through old pictures, or visit a graveyard. And that is a vulnerable feeling. Not knowing when loss is going to creep up on us and leave us open. Shine a bright light on our emotions and reveal that we are nowhere near as "with it" as people think that we are.

This is my favorite time of year, this time from October to January  Yet, as I get ready to celebrate with joy, laughter, and merriment. There is a flip side to the coin. This season often brings up old losses and exacerbates new ones and the pain can be greater than ever. Your first Thanksgiving without a grandparent, sibling, child or spouse. Seeing the togetherness of families, couples, friends, and neighbors and feeling the acute loneliness of disappointed hopes and dead dreams. Thinking to yourself, "This was not supposed to happen to me." or " Why is it so easy for them to get the thing that I want so much." or "When will this (insert situation) EVER CHANGE! I am SO TIRED of dealing with this." Whew! I'm just being truthful and airing just some of the questions that can roll around in our heads during these difficult times.

So, what to do? I really wish I knew. I know what has helped me and sustained me through tough times past and present (growing faith in God and emotional prayer). But, you probably don't want to hear all about that. You want to know, what will work for you in your life. I guess the best I can suggest is this.....go find out. Don't get stuck, waiting for the answers to fall in your lap. Don't think that the "perfect plan" will get re-written on the paper you used to write out your plans before. Be an active participant in your life. Look around and assess the current situation both truthfully and humbly. Find the select few that you can trust for wise counsel and spend time with them. Ooops, there I go telling you what to do;) I'll back off. But, whatever you do, as you are dealing with your losses both great and small, don't get trapped in feeling alone. You are cared for and loved and appreciated more than you could ever believe. And because you carry your loss so well or so deeply, many people don't know to remind you of just how much you mean to them. So I will step up and say it. No matter your loss, and no matter your current emotional state, you are so special and there are many people who look to you for strength. What a nice feeling!

1 comment:

Jess said...

:) Still reading. Love you. You said it perfectly.