Wake up Call

Are you like me? Do you ever just get these huge realizations about your life and how you are living it?
Goodness, it seems like lately (and it could be because I am looking and listening) I am just getting some more clear understandings about my life. Where it is now, where it has been, and what it could be in the future.
I am talking vast stuff here. Not tiny things at all.

Like today, actually just a few moments ago. I had a wake up call thought. Here it is. And maybe you can understand it because you have been there, or are right there with me.

I have gotten into a pattern of wanting and wishing to be like everyone else. And to clarify that, everyone else to me is the majority of people in my peer group. I think seeing the things and life events of others has had more of an effect on me than I thought. Instead of being thankful for being unique Sabrina. I have glossed over that and trained my eyes on others and what they have going on. Sigh, I wish I could tell you when this started. But I am afraid like most things, it creeped up on my blind side.

There was a time when I was saying prayers of thanks all the time for my current season in life. I was glancing at others but then coming back and being so thankful for me, and what was uniquely mine. If I look back lately and examine my thoughts I see a shift. I have been looking, really peering into the lives of others and wanting more and more of what I see. I won't name "it" here but it is quite possible that you can guess. Then looking within myself and trying to figure out why I don't have it.
What is that? Part envy, part discontent, part frustration, part boredom. I don't really know. But I don't like it. Not one bit.

Do you know what is the best thing going on in my life right now? Exactly the things that are happening. No more and no less. I need to remember to be thankful for what is mine already. Because the truth is that if I got what others had right now, I might not be ready for it. It is possible that I could mishandle it. Maybe I could take what looks like a gift and make it a modern day idol, something that would take all of my focus and disconnect me, from who I am and how special I am already. Just as I am.

I am thankful for this wake up call. I am definitely not finished processing it and spending some time reflecting on it.
It's the start of a brand new week. I have some inner work to do, obviously. Some sweeping up and some stuck windows to open. The result I think might not even be noticeable to anyone else (and since I have been focusing on others too much....that is a good thing). But I hope that I will be able to see some bountiful changes within myself before I start another birth year (in about 2 months).
Ahhhhh 20's, you never stop throwing me curve balls do ya;)