Monday, June 18, 2012

Real Talk- Waiting (unsuccessfully) for Work

The main reason I try and blog during this time of restless waiting is because I will need to look back and be thankful. It's a sobering thought to see in clear reality what a horrible person I am when it comes to waiting.

This morning I was in a particularly whiny mood. Maybe you have been there in whatever you have been waiting for. It's that place where your core stubbornness meets the fact that for all intents and purposes it looks like NOTHING is happening. And those things do not bring out any shining moments for Sabrina.

This job market is no joke. If you are not currently searching for work then you should say a thankful prayer for that. At least to me the worst part of this job market is that it quickly drains you of enthusiasm and hope. As much as I know that I am a worthwhile employee and that God is going to work it all out somehow. The jobs roar back that positions are already filled, and that you don't have enough experience, and that budgets have just been cut....sorry. And that loudness has quickly drowned out the still small voice of reason. If I did not have faithful friends and family, I would be just about ready to slip into my sweats, get 1 free month of Netflix, and re-emerge in late July, probably a few pounds heavier, with my mind numbed because of too much TV. Yuck, I don't even like that mental picture, because it smells strongly of giving up. But after extended waiting (since January 2012 to be honest) and rejection, giving up for a bit does not sound all that bad.

Waiting for work stinks. There, I just admitted my true feelings about the whole convoluted process! I have a large amount of personal pride that usually serves me well. In this case, not so much. I think I take the endless silences personally. I think I expect better treatment. Why? Because in my mind I guess I deserve it. Do you see what a problem this can be? I don't know when I grew an enlarged sense of entitlement, but I hate it.

I can readily admit that at this time I am feeling pretty low in the unemployment pit. Who knows, tomorrow might be better. But there is some lesson to be learned down here. And it just might be that God is going to teach me to trust him in a way that I will never forget. Because when you can't see your future clearly, when it is literally as clear as mud, it is trust that becomes your guiding light and through that trust I pray my hope will be restored.

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