Monday, June 4, 2012

Tug of War

In one day I felt both the incredible joy of new love and trusting covenant, as a sweet, wonderful friend got married.

And I also felt disbelief, fear, and sadness as another friend shared about some struggles and betrayals in her own marriage.

It was a lot to handle in one day let me tell you. It was a true tug of war as my feelings and emotions went from grief to peace. Where am I now? Questioning, would be a good word. I admire those who believe in love even when love is under attack.

This tug of war left me mentally exhausted. I am a thinker, and so my little mind just wanted to make sense of what was going on. How life can be so fair and yet so unfair? I didn't come up with much. Except, this; Don't give up. That's what I was reminded of this weekend. When your trust in someone is rewarded and the sun in shining on you and all seems right in the world, be humbled and thankful for that. And when your trust in someone is not rewarded, and they hurt you and make horrible choices that can be life-changing, don't give up.

Sometimes I want the good and that is all. If it smells of struggle, I turn tail and run. Or pray that it be over quickly, or avoid, or ignore. But the lessons learned through the trials are the best lessons of all. Two strong women let me share in their lives this weekend. Of course if I had to choose I would want to be the bride. Fresh, ecstatic, and enthusiastically in LOVE with her new husband. But, I need to also learn from my other friend's strife. I need that strong core that keeps on keeping on when the road is treacherous. I need strength to not just give up when the going gets tough. I need that peace that passes all understanding and comes from being absolutely humbled.

In the end, I need to find a place of calm refuge. Where my love story might be written. Not overly beautified by fanciful, fluff romance. Not overly catastrophized by grim darkness and distrust. But set free by sacrifice and hope.

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