Monday, April 30, 2012

Real Talk- Unemployed for Now

All of my posts are truthful. I have a lot going on in my little life and love to share it. But this one is going to be deep. It's not written as humorous or page turning entertainment. But as a way to share a thought process, and as my way to remind myself of something that is vastly important. 

Today I saw a super sweet email from my Internship supervisor announcing a reception in my honor because I finish up my time there on Friday. Time flown by, check! She is so very, VERY busy and I am beyond humbled that she would do this for me. However, about 2 minutes after reading the email I had this thought. And it's an ugly thought wrapped up in fear and personal pride. I began to think...."Oh a reception is wonderful, but I am going to be SO embarrassed to tell people that I don't have a job yet." Sigh, for all the ways that I have had to grow up recently around this topic of being unemployed, it still butts its ugly head into my mind.

For the first time in a long time I wanted to yell at myself. Sabrina, what is wrong with you! Those are the exact kind of self-destructive and prideful thoughts that are going to make this journey miserable! Get it together and just stop it already. Stop being so down and frightened! 

But yelling never added anything significant to an already bad moment. So I took another path. I did a replay. First, I quickly admonished myself , "Stop thinking that way Sabrina. You are far better than that." Then I took a deep breath and reread the email again slowly. Then I reminded myself of how thankful I am for my Internship experience! I thought for a few moments about how much I have learned and experienced in this whirlwind of an amazing year. I found solace in thinking of my faithful God. I wrote this blog post. Took another deep breath. And now I am going shopping for a graduation outfit:) I have this cool green skirt and it needs some shoes, a top, and accessories to make it fabulous! Crisis (meltdown) averted!

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