Sunday, December 23, 2012

Goldilocks and my Life

The story of Goldilocks is a widely known tale. A little girl breaks into the house of some bears, and enjoys their food and household items. The part of this tale that relates to my life is when it's time for our friend to sleep. She tries one bed and it is TOO hard. The next is TOO soft. But that third bed, that one is JUST right.

Well, I have worked two jobs in two different cities. And I am praying to God that the next place will be just right. Because I'm not feeling this extreme thing.

I loved my first job! In fact I loved it too much and it spoiled me. I was in a place where I was taken care of and encouraged. Happiness abounded. And I was lulled into complacency. I was tucked away in this beautiful place, and it was good. But the truth was, it was too soft. There were challenges, but also I found myself becoming way too comparative. Example (I hang my head in shame about this now) comparing Christmas gifts from the families to what others teachers were getting. I was always thankful, but there were other emotions that had no place in my heart. It was not the permanent place for me, and I can't exactly explain it, but my soul was not calling me to stay.

I like my second job! It is tough and worthwhile. I am in an interesting town, but I do not fit in here. Not at all. And the truth is that I don't want to fit in here. And maybe that is part of the problem, it is quite possible the problem lies more within me than I think. Anyway, I find myself having to dig deep to trust God, yet he has been faithful and led me to a place of amazing spiritual growth. But, in all honestly, this job is too hard. I don't have the depth yet and I don't want it to change my spirit. I know that I needed to toughen up some, but I refuse to become like some of the people I work with (worn-out, cranky, and having given up on the kids). I would rather just work at Target or something. It is not the permanent place for me, and I can't exactly explain it, but my soul is not calling me to stay.

I can't see even a speck about what is next. Job three? Will you be just right? I want it to be (OH so VERY much), but I am not putting my hope in the actual job (and that is a struggle). I am putting my hope in God. He will provide, and there are lessons in being humble that I am sure will come along with a New Year. I'm hunting for something in the middle, something with lows and highs, that has some good old fashioned normalcy. I have my own dreams about what this could look like, but I'll not share those just yet. I'm learning to give things time.

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