Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Inside Work

                                                                     (from here)

I am trying to think back to when I first realized that there was so much inside work (my heart, my mind and my spirit) to be done in the life of Sabrina. I can't pinpoint the time, but it had to be somewhere around the time I started graduate school.

Fast forward three years and here I am, slowly and many times painfully becoming a better person. What does this process involve for me? A mixture of things actually.

First there is the admission, that there are weak and vulnerable places within me. So, I began to explore my knee-jerk reactions. And the things that brought out my anger, and frustration. It was not too hard, because no one knows you like you know yourself.

Then I had to have the highly emotional moment(s). This was the time of tears and ranting and anger. Not pretty but necessary. It was the time when I finally opened the release valve and let my thoughts just rush out. And there was a lot in that valve, and so the questions, accusations, and situations poured forth. It was a mess and a jumble.

After that is the critical period. Because I had to decide, did I really want to change. Did I want to deal with things or push them aside. But even deeper than that, did I want a better life. A more meaningful experience. I had to help myself so that I could help others.

This inside work is a daily renewal. It is humbling past anything I have known. I have no real answers. All I have is passion and effort and faith in God's will. And that is enough. Because just enough is better than abundance weighing you down.

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