Saturday, January 5, 2013

Positive Growth- Last Reflection

2013 has arrived. I look forward to what this year can bring. The idea of things being new is quite appealing!

I wanted to wrap up my thoughts on my 2012 goal of Positive Growth. I wrote some things here and here.

At the start of last year, I was so unsure about my future. So many things were undecided, sigh, so many things still are. But, I knew that I wanted to hold myself accountable for something. I didn't want to let the months go by and end up after another year, not being fully aware of how the inner Sabrina was doing. I can't say that every single day I spent time working on growth. But, it was something that I came back to again and again.

I gave myself flexibility, knowing that to box myself in would render no dividends. I started out just trying to be more aware of myself. My thoughts, feelings, reactions, emotions, etc. I also tried to reflect more after the not so good moments. And that was new for me. I for sure experienced positive growth as I tried to dig a little deeper after I had spoken harshly, or judged unfairly, or had covetous thoughts.

I think over last year I was able to see and know that I still need help. That this heart can be kind and funny and light, but it can also be diligent in wanting its own way. I saw that I fall for the illusion far too often. But the refreshing growth took place in spite of myself. Situations came and went and I passed and failed, yet stayed the course. Knowing that there is no success in giving up, knowing that I had to learn to be gentle with myself. Not over praising my happiness and not stomping on my hardships. Trying to live day by day. That was a point of immense growth.

I guess I could summarize my growth this way. I have always liked to plan and know. Typically I filled things out in pen and I filled them in my planner way in advance  BUT, last year after some struggles, I learned to pick up my long forgotten pencil and use that instead. Through trials and just the ups and downs of life I learned to sit and look at ONE day...this day. And then to write things down in pencil, always, always keeping an eraser near. Because you see, after scratching out my plans in pen in frustration and fear and disappointment. I grew to accept another way. And it has been so very good for me.

Positive Growth is in all of us. I just focused on growing mine and not leaving it forgotten.
2013, I am ready for the daily journey (a little nervous because the bad/sad news just keeps rolling in). Because now I mean it when I say, that all I can do is my best. And that my best is definitely enough!  

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