Tuesday, December 13, 2011

That's not me!

"I love myself the way I am and still I want to grow...."
Jai Josefs

Who am I? And in asking that question comes, who am I not? (Incorrect sentence structure I am sure;)

I am NOT......
*very flexible
Changes throw me. I really have cultivated a fine appreciation for doing things my way. Schedules and consistency can creep up and become idols.
* adventurous
Sky diving......tasting new and exotic foods.....the rush of adrenaline.....those are not things I crave....at all.
Now I think I am funny and I know I can be sarcastic. But that joyful silliness is not inherent in me.
*quick to make decisions (aka spontaneous)
I think about EVERYTHING. My mind is constantly doing risk analysis over situations. When Sabrina commits to something it has been prayed and thought over.
*as forgiving as I need to be
I can hold grudges. I get my very delicate feelings hurt. I can react in anger and fear and worry that all grows from the mistrust of getting hurt again.
* normal and typical
Maybe no one thinks of themselves as "normal" but I certaintly don't. My words, worldview, and passions are all unique to the life that I lead. I think that I stand out and am memorable in a positive way. I am trying to live a life that is not a stale copy of someone else, but instead a fresh blend that shines like me!

It is a blessing to have some personality. Even if it does sometimes illuminate and introduce some struggles in our life. The one major change in me since starting grad school is that I now am much more comfortable with looking inside myself and working with what I find there. Things don't just happen to me anymore. I accept that I am present for everything and responsible for my choices, thoughts, actions and reactions. I am more aware of all of the parts of me, including the parts that are difficult and not so strong. And that is a step in the right direction, I just know it is.

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