I am learning all of the time. In the classroom and out. There are lessons being taught all around us.....in the moments. Most recently a few good friends have gotten engaged. I am so happy for them! And through thinking about their weddings and the fun of talking "shop" about the weddings I learned some things.
The main, number 1 lesson was that in my little life I have only thought about weddings a small bit. And I have not thought about marriage that much at all. I know more about what I would like for my one day, maybe, future wedding than my one day, maybe, future marriage. And that was not a lesson I liked learning.
I am a romantic at heart and I have had a God blessed marriage as an example in front of me for 30+ years. But I have been busy, you know! School, faith, friends, and life usually take up all of my time. So sitting around thinking about marriage was not a priority. However, at 26, I am starting to think I do need to spend a tad bit more time considering the notion. The notion being a marriage not just a wedding. Because you see, I would love to get married one day.....but as of now I am not ready. And I will admit I could, maybe, possibly, not let my mind wander to marriage because it makes me nervous.
Spending the rest of your life with someone. Combining two families. Learning more about trust and my lack thereof. Having faith and the true everlasting love that make marriages last lifetimes. Meshing interests. Sharing opinions....sharing everything. SIGH.....I guess I can admit it, those things make me want to kick off my flip flops and run for the hills. And many things in life do not make me feel that way.
A crack in my armour.....quite possibly. An area in my life that needs growth... definitely. The random ramblings of a nut....surely! hahahaha j/k. There is no clean way to end this because I have no answers....this whole thing is a work in progress I guess. But at least I am aware of it now. To Be Continued!
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